Learning of this dire situation late yesterday, the resolution of which required me to call not only Medicare but the other insurance company and finally my own doctor's billing office, I naturally had a fitful night's sleep and awoke early to warm up my index finger and take an extra blood pressure pill. Despite a fresh pot of coffee and my button-pushing prowess, all was for naught when I was directed to "enter the first five letters of your last name on your telephone keypad," as I still--don't laugh--do not have an iPhone and have just one of the plain phones where you have to push three times for an R, three times for an O, etc. So I couldn't fulfill that request, which totally blew my robot's mind, or wires or motherboard or whatever it has. Lacking brains, Robotica started all over again. Sensing it would be a long morning, I got more coffee.
Taking it from the top, she requested that I "Push or say one." I chose to say "one." She replied--with a chuckle, I swear--that she couldn't understand me. If she couldn't understand me saying the word "one," what chance was there she would understand my street address or where I was born or my mother's maiden name or my childhood nickname or my favorite pet or my first elementary school? Panicked, I did what any sane person would: I began screaming into the phone. That got results in a hurry, and suddenly Robotica was gone and there was a real human being on the line. All went smoothly from then on; I'm telling you, those humans simply cannot be beat! (Except if they're in the Philippines or India, but that's another story.)
Seriously, the next time you reach one of those recordings asking you questions, just start shouting obscenities directly into the mouthpiece of your phone and you will get some real help PDQ. This plan works especially well with Directory Assistance.
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