This morning, while engaging in my usual coffee/newspaper/web surfing ritual to arm myself for the day, I stumbled upon the following advice from somebody called the Energy Muse: "Cut off nine round pieces of orange peel from one orange to carry with you when you go out on Halloween. In the east, nine is considered the luckiest number and the strong scent of the orange will keep you alert. Bright orange is the color for protection."
Who knew? I hardly ever wear anything bright orange--who does except crossing guards-- and I rarely carry orange peel when I go out, on Halloween or any other day, so it's little wonder bad things happen to me all the time. This is where the Internet comes in so handy. And lest you think I am being sarcastic, I am not; I am actually irked that I have gotten this old and never heard this ancient wisdom from any one of my ancestors who told me plenty of other "truths" which have proven to be false.
My grandfather always said that if I held my nose when I sneezed, the top of my head would blow right off. That never happened. The weird thing is, I now tell my son the same thing and actually worry when I see him doing it. That same grandfather warned that if I left a splinter in my finger or toe or wherever it was, the little piece of wood would travel around my body and end up in my stomach where a tree would start growing. This too has not happened to me yet, but since I always leave splinters in unless they are sticking way out, I sometimes worry about an unexplained tummy ache--is it starting?
My father insisted that if a light remained on in an empty room for more than five minutes, the light bulb would explode. I still think this and while I know it is technically not true I have certainly saved money on electricity over the years, although my husband grew up in a non-exploding-light bulb family and so I have to follow him around the house most of the time lest our home burns to the ground. My mother said that going outside with wet hair in the winter causes pneumonia, and my older sister repeatedly reminded me that she knew for a fact I was left in a basket on our front steps by Gypsies.
Other things I heard as a child have proved false as well, and not just all the regular stuff about Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the whole "all men are created equal" thing. For example, many Germans are really nice, some Jews are just as dumb as everyone else and all penises are not the same size when erect. So now I'm wondering if that orange peel thing works with tangerines--an orange is such a commitment.
No comments:
Post a Comment