Just Say Dead

On Monday of this week our 11-year-old miniature schnauzer was put to sleep at the vet's office. This is Thursday and he still has not woken up. In fact, they just called to tell me his ashes have been returned and I can pick them up at my earliest convenience. So much for him "sleeping."

Death is one of the few topics that people cannot talk about sanely. I learn this truth anew each time someone close to me dies. People are stymied as to what to say, and given that the words dying, died and dead are off the table, it's understandable. The most popular euphemism is "sorry for your loss." I find this odd, since loss is something that happens to keys, wallets and weight rather than people you will never see again. Similarly, saying someone has "passed" is confusing. I immediately think of kidney stones, trucks on the highway or final exams in college, not someone that once breathed and now does not.

About my dog--I received several sympathy notes from friends, which I appreciate, believe me. Unfortunately, none of them made me feel better-- in fact, some made me feel worse. "Your hearts must ache and your home seem empty without him" is not exactly an upper. Ditto "I know little Rufus leaves a big void and that you miss him terribly." (Hey, tell me something I don't know.) One creative neighbor sent an email saying she had heard that Rufus had "bid adieu to his world of pain," and no, she is not French.

Here's a tip: The next time you encounter a newly-dead situation, just say "I heard your (whatever) died. I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Works every time, for all species.