Do You Have What It Takes to Be A Protester?

Yesterday, a 37-year-old woman with a six-year-old child at home decided it was a good idea to drive downtown in Minneapolis and join a growing protest against government ICE agents sent to keep the peace. She's dead now.

Hmmm .... this is a quandary. The whole thing seems wrong, since protesting against keeping the peace is at best counter-productive. Also, you could get killed, like that woman, making your child an orphan for the sake of some unknown Somalians. But hey, you hate the fucking Republicans and even though you never even met a Somalian in person and don't really want to, this is your chance to stick it to the man!

This happens all the time, as we know. In fact it happens constantly! Who are these protesters, and what the heck are they thinking? So to help you figure out whether you've got what it takes to be one, I have devised this simple multiple-choice quiz which will take just a few minutes to answer. 

1. You are at home happily eating breakfast and scrolling the Internet when you learn about a violent protest just a few blocks from where you live. ICE agents are arresting Somalian immigrants in your neighborhood! What should you do?

a. Drop your bagel, grab your coat and drive over there immediately.

b. Finish eating, take a shower and check later to see if it's still going on.

c. Run to your bedroom, lock the door and hide under the bed until dark.

2. You're shopping in the grocery store a mile from home and notice that a crowd has gathered out front. People are holding signs and shouting. There are ICE agents arresting Somalian immigrants in the area! What should you do?

a. Continue shopping.

b. Finish shopping, pay for your groceries, put them in your car and then join the crowd of chanting protesters.

c. Leave everything, rush home, lock the door and hide in the basement until dark.

3. A friend texts you at work that there is a huge protest downtown, and suggests meeting you there. ICE agents are arresting Somalian immigrants and others in the streets! What should you do? 

a. Hurriedly grab a pre-printed protest sign from the supply cabinet, let your boss know you are leaving for a few hours, and get there as quickly as possible.

b. Tell your friend you can't go because you are on a deadline, but you would if you could.

c. Text your boss that you aren't feeling well, leave work and drive the six miles home, lock your doors and hide there until dark.

If, like me, you answered C to all the questions, congratulations -- you will remain alive and not in prison for the foreseeable future. If you checked anything else, get out there and protest to your heart's content, bearing in mind that it will accomplish nothing and you might die.