Stranger In A Strange Land

By all accounts I am not normal, at least here in America. I'm out of the loop, on the sidelines, not in the game. It's not because I'm old, but it's because of something. Possibly it stems from my mother telling me at about age five that nobody knows more about what's best for me than me.

Following is a list of things I've never done, have no interest in doing and continue to ignore, making me unable to engage in small talk at parties which I am never invited to, so in the end it's no biggie.

I've never listened to a podcast, do not follow any influencers and no longer watch awards shows. I would never inject anything into my face, lips, hips or anywhere in order to look younger, be thinner or sleep better. 

Since I listen to talk news shows on my car radio I've  never heard a song by Taylor Swift, or Adele or K-Pop or whoever is "it" right now, or was "it" anytime after about the turn of the century.

I've never read any Harry Potter books or seen any Harry Potter movies.

I don't watch late-night TV so have never seen (and cannot tell apart) John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Jimmy Kimmel and Conan O'Brien, although I know that O'Brien has red hair.

This morning I was shocked, stunned, amused and confused upon learning that the actor Timothee Chalamet, a pale, anorexic young man I assumed is gay, is dating one of the Kardashian sisters and is considered to be a Hollywood heartthrob and the new Leonardo DiCaprio.

I have no tattoos, believe pit bulls are a dangerous breed, and have never had a smoothie, kale or otherwise. I don't know what an alai berry is and have never had chai tea. I have no pronouns and have never questioned my gender. Nevertheless I feel confident to make decisions, like what to wear every day, what foods to eat, and who to vote for. 

Still, despite all that I am relatively happy to be stuck with myself.