The Path of Totally Uninterested

Normal people looking at the eclipse.

Maybe my parents dropped me on my head when I was a baby. Of course I remember no such event, but it might explain why I am not like most people. For example, Maine lies in what is called  "The Path of Totality" for next Monday's total eclipse of the sun, and everyone who is sane is buying eclipse glasses and filling up their gas tanks in preparation for the supposedly life-changing event that happens so rarely and you damn well better see it if you know what's good for you!

My husband is going to drive three hours, more likely four, to get to a prime spot in the Path (of Totality) for viewing. The actual cosmic event that will change people's lives will last three to four minutes. Then he will drive home, likely in much more traffic so let's say for four to five hours. Our adult son is going with him, and when they return they will be different people entirely! 

I'm excited to see how their lives will be changed by seeing the moon pass in front of the sun and have darkness descend for three-and-a-half minutes, then have daylight return. In fact, much more excited about that than the prospect of sitting in the back seat of a car for up to eight hours, having no place to go pee because of the expected crowds jamming into the little town of Jackman, or possibly blinding myself by looking too soon without my special eclipse glasses -- three for $23.

Honestly, I wish I wanted to go. But it all reminds me of the nightmare of being at Disney World and waiting on a line for an hour-and-45 minutes to experience a ride that lasted two minutes. That actually was life-changing: I vowed then and there to be my own person and only listen to my inner voice. (Voice, not voices.) And my inner voice says the only ways to change your life are to commit a crime, have a baby, move to another city, get a new job, get married, get divorced or lose a lot of weight. I have done all but the first, and I don't intend to do that one by freaking out in Jackman (pop. 782) when I have to go to the bathroom and all the Port-a-Potties are taken. (I have stomach issues.)