What Was God Thinking?

My first husband, also known as ex-husband which sounds better and less like I am planning on a third, was a student in his second year of law school during our first year of marriage. His work load was ridiculous, and pretty much our only date was going out for ice cream on a Saturday night. To help him out, I did much of the reading for one of his courses, called Torts I believe but maybe not. (That was years ago and what are torts anyway?) The only thing I remember was a famous case wherein a consumer discovered a tiny mouse head floating in his Coke bottle. Of course he sued and won a huge settlement on the grounds that he was now "permanently disgusted," becoming nauseated anytime he saw the ubiquitous Coca-Cola logo. I feel that way today, but I have nobody to sue.

Last night I discovered a tick in my head. Actually, it was in my scalp, or trying to get in, but I stopped it just in time. This being my first tick experience, and freaking out as I do over any member of the insect world, I became somewhat hysterical. Nevertheless I managed to extract the disgusting creature (see photo) and save him for further inspection by my husband (a tick expert who enjoys tramping through our woods and cutting down trees) by slapping a piece of Scotch tape on top of him (the tick, not my husband), a trick I learned from my friend Louise who is the World's Greatest Veterinarian and thus wise in these matters.

I then called my son who is even more of an expert on these matters since he lived with them in the Maine woods for two years. He said I wouldn't get Lyme disease since the ticks that carry it are so tiny they are all but invisible, and since I could see it clearly I had nothing to worry about.

Still, being me, I worried. I took a shower and washed my hair. I applied ice to the site. I went to bed miserable and dreamed about ticks all night. This morning I'm still grossed out. The thought of eating is appalling. My head still hurts. I took another shower. (My hair is really clean today.)

Such a tiny thing, yet so destructive to such a huge thing as myself. I wondered why they even exist, and so did some research and found out they exist almost exclusively as food for other disgusting insects. Here's what I really want to know: Were there two ticks included on Noah's Ark? If so, wouldn't that have led to an Ark-wide infestation? Why would God make a tick anyway? Once again we see evidence of His sick sense of humor.