There's No Right Way to Die

A friend recently asked, "How do you want die?" Without skipping a beat I replied, "in my sleep." But then he pointed out how things might not be ready, and what if you didn't have a chance to say goodbye to your loved ones, and several other disadvantages of just drifting off and never waking up. We then discussed other options and never agreed on any as satisfactory. Little surprise there, for Death has such a bad rep.

On the other hand, I did come up with lots of ways I don't want to die. The leading contenders are listed below, and are all ways people have died that have made the news:

1. Being eaten alive by a rabid Doberman in the hallway of my apartment building, right outside my own door.
2. Falling out of a window from a high floor in an apartment building.
3. Jumping from a high floor of a building instead of being burned to death.
4. Being eaten alive by sharks after my deep-sea diving excursion boat mistakenly leaves without me.
5. Getting run over in my own driveway by my father.
6. Being doused with gasoline and lit on fire.
7. Driving along the highway and having an 18-wheeler fall on me from an overpass.
8. Contracting fatal food poisoning from watermelon at an All-You-Can-Eat salad bar.
9. Being electrocuted at my kitchen sink while doing dishes during a thunderstorm.
10. Getting trampled by other people on the way to a prayer meeting (or a rock concert or at a Wal-Mart on Black Friday.)