Ask the Racial Ethicist

Big fat white pig: Never an appropriate moniker.

Dear Racial Ethicist:  Last week, a Democratic black professor at the University of Pennsylvania called Republican Dr. Ben Carson "a coon," and now everyone is in an uproar over her supposedly racist comment. But I thought that was allowed, since all those rap singers call each other "nigger" (or is it "nigga"), and they never get in any trouble and in fact usually get tons of Grammys and other awards. It's all so confusing. I read that the definition of coon is "an offensive term for a black person." Can't you ever say anything offensive about black people? Doesn't the, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me," rule also apply to them? How should we handle this touchy situation? --Perplexed in Peoria

Dear Perplexed:  Apparently the rule goes like this: "When a white person calls someone a coon, they are slurring all black people, but within the black community, the term is not a racial slur, and it’s not interchangeable with the multi-purpose n-word." So says a Liberal watchdog website devoted to such matters. Since the female professor who tweeted the insult is black but is also fairly fat, I suggest that Dr. Carson retaliate by calling her a "fatty," or maybe even "a big fat pig." (See photo.) That should fix her wagon. After all, most women would choose to be a size 8 coon than a big fat white pig any day.--R.E.