An Unplanned Occurrence

Today I was inside an ambulance for the first time in my life, as a patient, not at the elementary school fair. Since I am 68, I guess that's good -- not that I was in one, but that it took so long to get there.

I had just entered my local upscale, high-priced, borderline-snooty food market to pick up some things for dinner. I grabbed a cart and got as far as squeezing a canteloupe when I started to feel woozy. Within seconds it was clear I was going to faint, which I never like doing, at least not if nobody else does too. It puts you at such a disadvantage. So I groped my way out of the store and semi-collapsed on the ground, gulping air and trying to put my head down between my knees like they tell you to do to keep from passing out but which is almost impossible when you are lying down. Some nice lady brought me water and some other nice lady called 911, even though I said no, please don't. Good thing she did.

Within seconds two Angels of Mercy dressed in blue uniforms arrived. They lifted me up onto a gurney and slid me into a quiet, cool little room with a lot of beeping machines. In a few minutes all my vitals had been tested, my finger had been pricked and it was determined my blood sugar was fine and my blood pressure and pulse were in the normal range. No fever. I was good to go, unless I wanted a ride with them to the hospital. Does anybody? I demurred.

So now I know that even if the stone-faced citizens of Freeport won't give you the time of day, God forbid a smile, the Freeport Fire & Rescue team will come to your aid in a flash, and at no charge. I can honestly say that for the first time in six years, I feel proud of my town. (Get it, Michelle Obama, proud of her country?) Anyway, those were two really great guys and I will send them a donation with my thank-you note.

Now all I have to figure out is what the heck is wrong with me. I certainly hope it's not a brain tumor. Could the whole thing have been a ploy to avoid yet another boring trip to the market?