Won't You Please Help?

Forgive me for asking, but have you given anything to charity lately? No? Well, perhaps you should. Really, you should. And not only that, I think you should give to the charity I support. I happen to have one that means a lot to me and it should mean a lot to you, because I have your email address, and I met you once, and if I recall we went to grade school together, and so I think you should give your money to my favorite charity, which happens to be one where we teach poor Haitian children how to craft paper-mache bowls in Haiti, where as you know they are very poor. But still, they sell a lot of paper-mache bowls to tourists, and not just bowls but also masks, and remember they had an earthquake and several bad hurricanes, and their evil dictator took all the money, and what kind of a heartless person could ever say "No" to Haitian children, besides their very own President?

Yes, I know--there are thousands of little children dying of leukemia and all sorts of other horrible cancers, languishing in hospitals in our very own country. Others were born with diseases like spina bifida and cerebral palsy, or missing a skull, liver or kidney, or with a heart defect or a deformed upper lip or only half a face, and some of them live in other countries besides Haiti, but still--I was thinking you should send your extra cash to my charity so the kids in Haiti can have art supplies and learn the skills necessary to make the bowls and the masks for the tourists, and grow up to be artists and earn money for their families.

It's in Haiti, did I mention that? And what kind of a monster could say no to Haiti? And so I will ask you for money over and over, again and again and again and AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, UNTIL YOU GET SO PISSED OFF YOU WILL WRITE ME A CHECK JUST TO MAKE ME STOP, and then write this blog post so you won't ever ask again.