Smart Phones Aren't

I still have one of these cast-offs....

I hate myself for several reasons. Not all the time, of course, but every so often, like when I'm driving to the periodontist and remember all those nights over the preceding three months since my last appointment that I fell into bed without flossing. Or when I yell at my cat for being out of her mind with the constant going in and going out, but then remember she is 19 and can't help it. But mostly it's for owning a cell phone, which in reality owns me. I need it when I drive in case I have a flat tire or a heart attack, and will go back to retrieve it if I have left it at home. I freak out when I can't find it, which freaks me out even more.

My husband, who recently married his iPhone in a small, private ceremony and would definitely save it in a fire before me, says I am living in the Dark Ages and that I am the only person he knows who does not have a "smart phone." I think he finds this embarrassing. He says he knows people who have the lesser but still respectable Android, but nobody at all who still has what I have, which is an old-fashioned flip-phone. He says I cannot text properly. I say they should be called dumb phones, and that I am the smart one, and that texting causes nothing but death and neck aches--a condition officially known as "text neck"-- and are responsible for the lessening quality of interpersonal relationships, ours included.