I'm home sick today with a cold. I might even have a fever, so chalk this up to delirium, but I have a great idea for a novel and I plan on starting it as soon as I can get out of bed and sit up at the computer for eight hours a day for 30 days straight. Following is a condensed version of the the plot, and it is sure to be a best-seller, I am not kidding:
It was a dark and stormy night....wait, that's not it. Oh, now I remember--a beautiful young woman named Merry Evermore goes to close up her just-dead mother's house on Last Hope, a tiny island off the coast of Maine, or maybe Canada. After a few weeks spent sifting through her mother's belongings, Merry realizes the house has a ghost. It turns out to be a really hot guy who, when alive, was Shoulder Broadmore, a local carpenter who died mysteriously while renovating Merry's mother's house. They fall in love. Meanwhile, a ferryman named Spark Lively, skipper of the Missing Maiden, is also very attractive--he will be played by the young Liam Neeson (see photo) in the movie version--and since she can't have sex with a ghost, Merry starts sleeping with Spark, who is married. His wife Tinker has been a paraplegic since a tragic and unusual fishing accident years ago, and so Spark is delighted to find someone he can have sex with. They do so often, until one day Shoulder hovers in, catching them in flagrante delicto. He demands Merry choose between them, since he's "just not that kind of ghost."
Simultaneously, Hurricane Dotty has been churning up the waters around the island, causing the townsfolk to stock up on milk and toilet paper. Dotty arrives with a vengeance, knocking out all power on Last Hope. The Missing Maiden is swept out to sea, stranding the few survivors of the storm. No dummies, they realize they have no food left and no way of getting help. Someone suggests they eat the dead bodies that are littering some of the island's windswept cliffs, but that is deemed impossible since they have likely spoiled by now. It remains unclear whether or not anyone gets eaten, but eventually lots of bones litter the beaches, especially the area around Windswept Cliffs. In addition, most people have packed on a few pounds and are quite robust by the time help arrives months later.
Then something else bad happens and something else bad happens. Finally Merry, who being a vegan refused to eat human flesh, dies of starvation. Fortunately there's a Shoulder to cry on. The two of them convince Spark, who sees dead people, to remodel Merry's mother's house into an inn, which they name the Ghost House--sort of a play on guest house. It's a big success since Last Hope became a major destination after the Huffington Post got wind of the whole "cannibalism thing." The vacationers who visit love the idea of invisible innkeepers, since surely the most annoying part of staying at an inn is the constant chatter of the innkeepers. One of the guests is a famous doctor who cures Tinker of her spinal cord injury, and so she and Spark are happy again and often hang out playing Twister and Parcheesi with Merry and Shoulder.
I am thinking I might call it Ghost House, or maybe Merry Evermore. Not sure yet, but either way, remember: You read it here first.
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| Liam Neeson as Spark Lively |
It was a dark and stormy night....wait, that's not it. Oh, now I remember--a beautiful young woman named Merry Evermore goes to close up her just-dead mother's house on Last Hope, a tiny island off the coast of Maine, or maybe Canada. After a few weeks spent sifting through her mother's belongings, Merry realizes the house has a ghost. It turns out to be a really hot guy who, when alive, was Shoulder Broadmore, a local carpenter who died mysteriously while renovating Merry's mother's house. They fall in love. Meanwhile, a ferryman named Spark Lively, skipper of the Missing Maiden, is also very attractive--he will be played by the young Liam Neeson (see photo) in the movie version--and since she can't have sex with a ghost, Merry starts sleeping with Spark, who is married. His wife Tinker has been a paraplegic since a tragic and unusual fishing accident years ago, and so Spark is delighted to find someone he can have sex with. They do so often, until one day Shoulder hovers in, catching them in flagrante delicto. He demands Merry choose between them, since he's "just not that kind of ghost."
Simultaneously, Hurricane Dotty has been churning up the waters around the island, causing the townsfolk to stock up on milk and toilet paper. Dotty arrives with a vengeance, knocking out all power on Last Hope. The Missing Maiden is swept out to sea, stranding the few survivors of the storm. No dummies, they realize they have no food left and no way of getting help. Someone suggests they eat the dead bodies that are littering some of the island's windswept cliffs, but that is deemed impossible since they have likely spoiled by now. It remains unclear whether or not anyone gets eaten, but eventually lots of bones litter the beaches, especially the area around Windswept Cliffs. In addition, most people have packed on a few pounds and are quite robust by the time help arrives months later.
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| The Windswept Cliffs of Last Hope |
I am thinking I might call it Ghost House, or maybe Merry Evermore. Not sure yet, but either way, remember: You read it here first.
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