Sex Doesn't Always Sell

One way to pick up chicks.....

My cousin is in advertising. He is very funny, highly intelligent, and one of my favorite people. He is pissed at me for damning his profession, something I do at every turn. I would like to go on record as saying that not all advertising is bad, just some advertising is bad. And my cousin only makes good advertising, and you should buy all the products he sells. That being said, one of the worst ads out there right now is the current commercial for Swiffer mops. It makes me wonder just how misguided some people are, and just how dumb those misguided people think the viewing public is. (It also makes me wonder what drugs these ad execs are on, but I digress.)

The current TV campaign to sell Swiffer mops is simply wrong, wrong, wrong, and here's why. Let's assume your old mop sucks and a Swiffer is better. Why? They don't bother with that. Instead, we follow the old, now retired mop, which you have put in the garage or the attic, where it meets and falls in love with your old bowling ball. The accompanying music is a love song with the refrain, "Who's that lady? Sexy lady....." The narrative voice-over tells you not to worry, that your old mop will find a new life.

What the hell? For starters, if I get a new mop because the old one sucks, I am throwing the old one away, not cluttering up my house with more trash. Next, even if they did meet and were for some reason attracted to one another, which they would not be, believe me, a mop and a bowling ball could not have sex if they tried! They couldn't even kiss. The mop needs to be with an old broom or maybe a snow shovel, something similar in shape. And the bowling ball needs to be with something like an old catcher's mitt or perhaps a discarded seat cushion from some old porch furniture--something that could keep it from rolling away. Or how about an old bowling pin; at least they would have what to talk about.

The only believable part of the commercial is that the lady of the house is seen rolling her eyes at the couple; at least she knows it would never work. Someone should tell those ad guys.