My Bad

I am so out of the loop, I never even heard of Nopalea before today. It's a damn good thing I decided to turn on the TV this morning while I was making my bed, since early mornings are the best time to catch the most important products being advertised on those channels you usually never get to. Funny, you'd think a revolutionary wonder drug would make the national news, or at least the "Today" show. Anyway, this morning I learned about this miraculous juice--actually it's a wellness beverage-- called Nopalea, which apparently does whatever the heck you need it to do in approximately three weeks. You just drink it daily and it cures your arthritis by eliminating all inflammation, which we know causes every problem in your body once you reach retirement age and quit working and stay home and are finally able to actually see these ads on TV. It also eliminates depression, cures acne, eradicates all pain in your spine and neck, improves your golf game and gives you a reason to go on living.

Made from the juice of the nopal cactus, which survives the heat of the desert somewhere in Mexico so it must be pretty tough, it does all this or your money back. In fact, forget money for a while--they'll send your first $40 bottle for free if you commit to taking the Nopalea Challenge, which is basically drinking the stuff. All you pay is shipping and handling and your life will never be the same. Who knew? And former fashion model Cheryl Tiegs is hawking it, so it must be great. Several ordinary people from all walks of life appear on the commercial as well, and each one claims that drinking the stuff changed everything that was bad in their lives to good, and you certainly can't beat that. Personally I will not be getting any Nopalea, but still I am glad to know about it in case I ever go on Jeopardy! and pick Mexican Desert Trivia for $200 and get the question, "The fruit of this prickly cactus is potable."