All I Know About Easter

Jesus Christ walked among us and was killed and then came back from the dead on the day now called Easter. This miracle is celebrated worldwide by Christians going to church and listening to priests, many of whom are pedophiles or at least pedophile apologizers, lecture in a foreign language about how to get to into the Kingdom of Heaven. (I am just guessing here as I have never been to Easter services.)

After church, there may or may not be a parade, in which women wear new hats called "Easter bonnets." Then, parents hide Easter baskets full of chocolate eggs and chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and jelly beans all nestled among crinkly multi-colored strips of paper reminiscent of bird's nest fixings. The children run around looking for the baskets. The White House has a giant Easter Egg Hunt, although with the First Lady on her high horse about nutrition, they are probably hiding real eggs and not chocolate ones on the White House lawn. For most families the day culminates in a big dinner, called Easter dinner, which is built around either ham or lamb. If it's lamb, there may also be mint jelly as a garnish. In some families, the kids decorate hard-boiled eggs by dying them. This is the best part of Easter, by the way, and something I did with my own son for many years, despite us being Jewish. Hey, I wanted to expose him to all religions!

First thing this morning my son called and related the episode of "South Park" in which they explained those very tall, very strange hats worn by the Pope by saying that the first pope was actually Peter Rabbit. I totally buy that.