Giant Pandas With Lung Disease

I love giving money to charity. It makes me feel good, not only about myself but about people in general, just knowing there are entire organizations set up specifically to help others in need. I usually choose diseases or research hospitals as the recipients since, let's face it, our health is the most important thing. This belief stems from my mother telling me that constantly at key points in my life, like when I did not get asked to the prom or I did not get accepted into Cornell or I did not get published in The New Yorker. (Years later they published my drawings, but by then I was really only concerned with being healthy, so it was no biggie.)

But I digress. Nowadays, giving to charity has an extra perk besides all those good feelings: free gifts! This has certainly muddied the waters, making it harder to decide just who should get my cash. Like yesterday, when I received a packet from the World Wildlife Fund and the American Lung Association in the same batch of junk mail. Normally I would go for the lung people, and not just because I personally have had lung issues myself but because it's a disease, after all, and I give to diseases. The lung people sent me a heartfelt letter and also included some of those return mailing labels. In the tugging-on-heartstrings department, they highlighted the fact that "lung disease is the number three killer in America," and "LUNG DISEASE IS THE LEADING KILLER OF INFANTS UNDER ONE YEAR OLD!" (Excluding abortions, natch.) That information was quite compelling and I rushed to get my checkbook.

But that World Wildlife pitch was nothing to sneeze at. They had included the mailing labels plus six lovely greeting cards with envelopes ("use them to remind your family and friends of your commitment to wildlife"), plus a handy wallet Tip Chart and a handy wallet 2012 Calendar, PLUS my choice of one of the following free gifts: a Golf Umbrella, a Zippered Weekend Bag and Cosmetics Pouch, or a Cooler Bag with 16 oz. aluminum Water Bottle. All I had to do is give them $16.00 to qualify for my gift! The weekend bag has a zippered inside pocket! The giant panda is facing an uncertain future! Rhinos and tigers are being driven towards extinction! The bottle is made of rugged aluminum and comes with its own carabiner! The sturdy nylon umbrella features a wooden handle and the panda logo!

Summing up: The wildlife people protect animals and preserve their habitats. But the infants with lung disease...what about them? So I sent the lung people a sizable check, because that's what charity is, and I sent the World Wildlife Fund Online Boutique $16.00 to get that cooler bag. (What's a carabiner?)