According to the Urban Dictionary, the phrase "gag me with a spoon" is archaic and usage today is considered to be silly. Well, excuse my French but fuck Urban Dictionary. They claim it comes from Valspeak, which is Valley Girl talk from somewhere in California, but I grew up in New York and have been saying it ever since my mother first chased after me with a spoonful of Pepto-Bismol. Besides, I find the term quite fitting in certain nauseating situations, most especially in reference to many of the posts on Facebook, where everyone is so gushingly sweet and oozing insincerity, saying insipid things like "that would be so fun" and "you look so beautiful," even when the picture shows a woman who looks like a beached whale with a mustache. The absolute worst is when somebody announces they are pregnant: Look out! All the well-wishers practically jam the Internet in order to post their "Congratulations!" or "Congrats!" or "congrats, you two!" The other day I saw like 65 of those after one such announcement and it made me feel quite gag me with a spoon-ish. Perhaps Facebook is not exactly my element, but then where is my element? Hopefully not swimming with the sharks at Huffington Post. Over there they are the complete opposite--hateful and snide and racist, jumping down the throats of anyone who dares to disagree with them. That's not where I want to be either.
Maybe I should start my own website for people who are not overly sweet and have an edge, but still give to charity and make soup. It will be a place where one can say something sarcastic, but everyone else will understand it's all in good fun and thus will smile knowingly and shrug it off. Some days I might not go at all, and other days I might go several times in one day just to read the hysterical jokes--funny ones, not that crap like on The Onion.
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