Equal Inequality for All

More and more people are becoming obsessed with inequality in America, running around chanting the national mantra, "Life isn't fair." They complain that the selfish rich have too much of everything and the struggling poor have too little. To all of them I say "hogwash" and remind them that many of the poor have become rich themselves through perfectly legal channels that are encouraged and actually provided by our system of democracy. Besides, income is not the only disparity; personally I'd like to be taller, be part of a huge family and have gone to summer camp as a child. There's more, but I don't want to appear greedy.

Face it: Life is not fair and nobody ever told me it would, could or should be, except for Mrs. Hibberts, my son's nursery school teacher. But that was back in 1990, when every four-year-old in her class got exactly ten minutes on the tricycle and exactly five apple slices, three ginger snaps and one juice box at snack time. And even then, with all that ordained fairness, little Josh ran around biting the other kids and brainy Natty was already correcting everyone's grammar.

If life were fair, then all women would look like Victoria's Secret models and all men would know how to fix things and all family members would be supportive of one another. Every baby would be born healthy and smart and every four years we'd all unite behind one political candidate who offered the best of all possible worlds to all people. As we know, none of this is true. How great would it be if everyone would just play the hand they were dealt and stop blaming Mitt or Obama or fill-in-the-blank for their problems? Ditto solving them. Alas, no matter who wins in November, I'll still be 5 ft. 5 in. Sadly, by then I might be even shorter since, regardless of who's in the Oval Office, people shrink. (See photo.)