Why I'm Such a Scaredy Cat

FRANKLIN Delano Roosevelt, by all accounts one heck of a president, allegedly said, "we have nothing to fear but fear itself." This is of course total bullshit since there are an infinite number of things to fear, including but not limited to being electrocuted in the bath or getting decapitated by an airplane propeller or hitting your head and having permanent brain injury or getting shot by an intruder in your own home or contracting an incurable disease or getting blood poisoning via a hangnail or having a tree fall on you, all of which happened to people I know. So what the hell was he thinking?

Besides fearing all those things, I am allergic to such seemingly innocuous things as spider and mosquito bites-- don't even ask about bees--thus I also fear insects. Consequently I am in a tizzy over a recent newcomer at our house, the creature pictured above, who has taken up residence on the back deck. It's a moth of some sort, but exactly what sort and what evil lurks within, I know not. He arrived last week and parked himself on a window screen, where I was forced to see him all the time. I could not have that. Thinking he was dead since he never moved, I tried flicking him off the screen, then got out the hose and hit him with a hard stream of water. He fell to the ground, over and done with, I thought. But the Phoenix has risen, and is now hanging out on my potted poppy plant.

My ex-shrink, who died in the prime of life from drowning in a hotel swimming pool after one beer too many, always told me that "rational fears are healthy fears." Thus, I am keeping away from Mothra until I learn more about him. I beseech you, as is done regarding terrorists: If you know something, say something.