Heads Up, Obama, Here They Come

Things are bad all over. Yemen, China, Syria. Afghanistan, Iraq. People dying, getting legs blown off, fighting in the streets. Revolution. Homelessness, poverty. Failing levees flooding streets in Mississippi. Who can fix the broken world? Yet there they stood last night, seven American citizens willing to try, lined up in a row onstage for the Republican National Debate brought to you by CNN, a fact you could never forget since their logo remained on stage, bigger than anything else, all night.

Sadly, it was not a debate but a ridiculous exercise in which the moderator, John King, love child of Bill Clinton and Elvis Presley, constantly interrupted with annoying clucking noises, urging the candidates to hurry up and answer in 30 seconds or less so he could pose his next question, which took twice as long to ask. Every so often he interrupted with a really dumb question, formulated so we could get to know the candidates better, like what's your favorite kind of pizza or which late-night TV host do you prefer or how do you like your wings, spicy or plain, as if anyone would say PLAIN, which is so obviously an acronym for PALIN.

The female, Michele Bachmann, obviously a participant in the debate between candidates for president in 2012, squandered precious time from one of her allotted 30-second answer periods to announce that she had, just yesterday, filed papers to officially run for president in 2012. Duh, Michele. (She sure does have nice hair, however.)

The black guy, Herman Cain, former CEO of Godfather's Pizza so he knows a thing or two about making things run, was the best of the lot, and made me think what a hoot it would be if he were the candidate! Imagine, a 100% African American running against Obama, who is only 50% African American. That sure would be something to see.

The nut, Ron Paul, made the most sense while seemingly a rambling idiot. The old guy, Newt, came off as the smartest politician but is simply not attractive enough to win hearts, while Mitt Romney, Ken to Michele's Barbie, was just too damn handsome to be taken seriously.  

Two other guys who looked exactly alike were there too. Coincidentally, despite their differences, they all agreed that Obama is doing a terrible job.