Saturday, February 20, 2016

Avoiding Brain Rot

The human brain has been compared to a vast sea full of hidden monsters that roil the waters unless we figure out how to calm them down or at least float past them in a protective little boat. Or perhaps this: our thoughts are like wild stallions running hither and yon and we've got to get them back in the barn and bed them down for the night. Or something like that. Far less poetic but more to the point, I think of my brain as a trash bin atop my body. You've got to be vigilant about what goes in there or else things will really start to stink.

For example, I am careful to rinse the empty cans of cat food and cartons of milk before tossing them into the recycling bin lest they start to fester during the week preceding trash pickup. My husband finds this behavior eccentric, although he appreciates our garage not smelling like a sewage treatment plant. Yet I continually toss scraps of crap I find lying about in the gutter straight into my precious command center. So far today I have thrown in the following bits of detritus:

1. Men should make sure their belts and shoes match, especially at work, or else they will look like they are completely clueless.
2. Kourtney Kardashian has abs that will make everyone green with envy.
3. A woman in Farmington, Maine found a decapitated snake head in a can of green beans as she prepared her dinner recently.
4. Celebrities deal with hangovers by getting "facial infusions" which involve an IV of vitamins inserted into the arm while getting a standard facial.
5. Ted Cruz and Ben Carson had a private meeting and agreed to disagree.
6. Puma and Adidas, two leading sportswear companies, are feuding over which one will use what members of the Kardashian family (again with the Kardashians!) to promote their sneakers.
7. Once only available in Paris, custom-made shoes by Francesco Russo (who?) will soon be available at a store near me for $2,000 to $10,000 a pair.

Obviously, severe brain scouring is necessary for me to proceed further with my day. The only way is through meditation. It's sort of like brushing and flossing; if you don't do it you'll be sorry. As my Aunt Peska used to say, "Be true to your teeth and they'll never be false to you.


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