Let's Play "Find the Asshole!"

Where's Waldo? Look for the teeny head of the eponymous asshole.

Aah, country life -- there's nothing like it. Especially early on a fall morning just past dawn, when the birds are twittering awake and peace lies like a silk duvet on the surrounding forest. Drinking my morning coffee I could almost hear a pin drop, except for the ROARING, HIGH-PITCHED, INCESSANT and EAR-SPLITTING whine of my neighbor's leaf blower that got my teeth chattering. The harrowing sound disrupted the normal course of events for forty-five minutes without a break. Squirrels and chipmunks fled the scene. My cat came racing home, begging to be let in. Deer, always magical and lovely to see in the first light of day as they munch on the remains of our garden, choose to breakfast elsewhere. Then it stopped and I thanked God for the silence, except two minutes later it started up again. (I guess he had to pee.)

Like everyone around here, the guy next door has a lot of trees on his property. And as many trees have done since the beginning of time, they drop their leaves as winter approaches. Some of those leaves land on the neighbor's driveway. He could use a rake (like any decent human being), getting some aerobic exercise and toning his upper arms while showing respect for his neighbors, many of whom are still asleep at this hour, but instead he slaps on a pair of tarmac-worthy headphones and schleps up and down his really long driveway with that stupid vacuum cleaner, blowing the leaves into the woods. He did the same thing yesterday and the day before, and I assume he will do it again tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, until the last leaf or the first snowflake falls. I hate him. I hope he gets sucked up into the machinery himself. I would laugh. (I would also call 911.)

I would use his name but I don't know it. But why would I?  He has only lived right next door for two years and we have never met. (That's a Maine thing.) See if you can spot him in the photo shown above. Here's a hint: He's wearing blue and has a head.