Friday, January 11, 2013

A Jewish Primer

Jews take eating seriously, but this looks like fun!
I'm reading a really good book right now, sent to me by a dear friend who lives in Sarasota. It's called "The Real Florida Jewish Directory." I guess Margaret, who is not Jewish herself but appreciates a good Jew when she sees one, thought I could use it since I'm going to Florida at the end of this month. It's got everything: Humor, tragedy, mystery, literature, not to mention a listing of every rabbi, cantor, wedding photographer and bagel shop in the state. Following are some excerpts that will surely whet your appetite for more.

Fine Dining
Strange and exotic foods are part of any ethnicity. A good example is the delicacy pictured above. Find out just what it is at Maison Blanche in Longboat Key. You can eat it right there on the spot or get it catered for your next big affair. (To Jews, "affair" means "wedding or bar mitzvah," not an amorous illicit encounter, although one may still have an amorous illicit encounter at a wedding or bar mitzvah, God knows. Sometimes it's the only way to get through.)

The following statement appears at the bottom of one page in a large, fancy font and is suitable for framing: 
"Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting."
What could it mean?

How appropriate: Shopping until the very end.
Ever wonder what to do with yourself while you're waiting for your loved one to die already? Sitting by the bedside can get boring, but now at the Hospice By the Sea Thrift Shop, you can pass the time shopping. And such bargains!

This lovely unsigned poem entitled "Follow Your Dream" may haunt you for years to come:

Take one step at a time
Don't settle for less
Just continue to climb
Follow your dream
If you stumble, don't stop
And lose sight of your goal
Press to the top
For only on top
Can we see the whole view

When you simply can't wait for that inheritance....
Can we see what we've done
And what we can do
We can then have the vision
And seek something new

Tragedy and/or Comedy
In the photo at right, a typical Jewish family is about to dispose of Granny in one of Florida's many gator-filled canals. (We actually tried this with my own grandmother but she fought us tooth and nail, so we had to wait until she died of natural causes.)

And So Much More.....
*In the Funeral Section, learn why Jews bury and don't cremate!
*In the Medical Section, find people who can effectively manage your disease or symptoms, or locate the best plastic surgeon for your child's nose job in time for his or her Bar/Bat Mitzvah!
*In the Kosher Corner, pick and choose from an array of pizzerias, sushi bars, bake shops, butchers, ice cream parlors, and even a kosher Dunkin' Donuts!
*In the Wedding Section, you'll find a convenient list of florists, tent rentals, dress shops and divorce lawyers!
*There's even a Holocaust Page, just so we "never forget." They've thought of everything!

(Also available online at:

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHAA, you are brilliant--such a perfect gift for you!