Speaking in Code

Me, lately.

It's clear that the Facebook bots have strict rules they must follow. So to avoid getting this post banned, I will be writing in a sort of code.  I like to call it the Rhyming Code. Just think of a word that sounds like the word I use in italics, and you'll have no trouble understanding it.

More and more it seems we are living under Potsy rule. I learned this yesterday when one of my posts was removed immediately, with no explanation other than that it was "against community standards." The post in question had to do with a political candidate, a whack man by the name of Hormel Pest. I did not malign him in any way but simply quoted some of his statements relating his philosophy and how he would rule as President, an office he is seeking in the upcoming election. I also used a photo of him, grinning widely so we could see the huge gap between his two front teeth.

But the Facebook bots found that objectionable, I guess, since I posted it three times, each time editing it to be less offensive to anyone. Still, it was removed. Also, at a whack preparatory college in Philadelphia yesterday, Resident Widen said that any problems facing the whack community are directly traceable to unfairness and mistreatment by bite Americans.

Meanwhile, down in New York City,  pro-Lamas protesters boarded subways and yelled things like, "Till all the Booze!" They warned all the booze on the train to get out now! They shouted, "It's too bad Bitler isn't still around, he'd get rid of all the booze!" And yet they suffered no consequences for their heinous actions.

As one of the booze myself, I'm worried. What's next? 

 

Like Fish In A Barrel

An industrious young friend of mine occasionally earns extra cash by collecting signatures for political causes and campaigns. In his recent quest to secure the required number of names to get Robert Kennedy Jr. onto Maine's presidential ballot he was met with scoffs, guffaws and insults, ultimately earning less than fifty bucks for himself over the course of several days. 

Now he is out doing the same to get Cornel West onto Maine's presidential ballot and he reports he can't get them fast enough. As he put it, "It's like shooting fish in a barrel. The minute I tell people who don't know anything about the candidate that he's a Socialist, they literally grab the pen from my hand to sign."

Cornel West 

Following is a bit of West philosophy: "West has called the U.S. a "racist patriarchal" nation where white supremacy continues to define everyday life. West attributes most of the black community's problems to "existential angst derived from the lived experience of philosophical wounds and emotional scars inflicted by white supremacist beliefs and images permeating U.S. society and culture."

Whereas Robert Kennedy Jr. doesn't like government-mandated vaccines.

The Unspoken Civil War

Happily, I recently made a new friend. We met kind of by accident and seemed to click, so we exchanged phone numbers and vowed to meet again. About a month later we had a two-hour cup of coffee at a Portland cafe. Again, we got along great and it was clear we were meant to be friends.

Yesterday was our third "date." We went for a long walk in a beautiful waterside park and talked about our past lives, catching one another up on pertinent information: I once lived in Utah, she had lived in Florida, we both have one son about the same age -- stuff like that.

We planned on getting together again to do a variety of fun things. The future looked promising as we both agreed we were likely to remain in Maine for the rest of our lives. Then it happened: She said, "I would never move back to Florida. They have a crazy Governor and the state has turned completely red. Now it's full of those horrible Republicans."

Stunned, I said nothing. We parted: Okay, bye, let's talk soon. But can we? How? She thinks Ron DeSantis is "crazy" and I think he is sane and fair and principled. She thinks Republicans are "horrible" and I am one. Why didn't I tell her right then and there? And then what? End our afternoon together on a sour note? 

Because we "horrible Republicans" are not that horrible after all, I let it go. But it's not going away.

How Many Genders?

Since the beginning of time there have been men and there have been women. Those two genders were mentioned in the Bible, and if you are a religious sort you've actually read all about how they came to be.  Adam and Eve they were called.

Across the entire animal kingdom, there are also just two genders in each species. There are no transgender lions and tigers and bears, no chickens or cats or dogs or horses. Or birds. Or zebras. I could go on, like Noah. But now, suddenly, starting several years ago but more recently expanding at a ridiculous rate, there are supposedly many genders. 

They're popping up all over -- people who defy categorization: Men wearing full face makeup and long painted nails and lots of jewelry and dresses showing off their muscular, hairy calves. They have beards and Adam's apples and long hair. There are women with no breasts at all and short cropped crew cuts dressed in flannel plaid shirts and big boots and sporting neck tattoos who are trying their hardest to look like Paul Bunyan. 

If we all had X-ray vision and could see through the silly costumes, it would be fairly easy to spot the different genders. There are just two of them. Two. There are men with penises and women without them. Why is it now so fashionable to say otherwise? What has happened to humanity and to sanity, and the sanity of humanity? Has evolution sped up to an incredibly insane pace for some unseen reason? Is it sun spots? Something in the food? Or from a lab?

I wish I knew.

Garden Widows

Everyone knows a widow. Some are Women Whose Husbands Have Died. They are the saddest kind and receive tons of sympathy from everyone, until they emerge from their grief and start living again and maybe eventually find a new mate. That's a happy ending. 

Then there are Golf Widows, alone every weekend when the weather allows. Their spouses have decided that driving a little ball into a hole with a stick from a great distance is more interesting than being with them. Since 71.6% of men in the U.S. are golfers, Golf Widows have plenty of company and thus usually can find a sympathetic ear from another one of the abandoned. 

There is another kind of widow that suffers in silence and thus elicits no sympathy from anyone, and that is the Garden Widow. I am one of those. During official gardening season I could drop dead right in the middle of the kitchen and Mitch would hastily step over me on his way out to "visit his vegetables while the light is good."

Or else he's already out there, preparing the soil, or planting the seeds, or weeding and watering, possibly mulching, snipping here and pruning there. Adding treatments for pests and diseases. And there's more weeding and watering. And still always weeding, the weeding, and finally the harvesting, the picking, the plucking, and well, you see what I mean. 

Sometimes I get out there and help but the bugs, the mosquitos, the bees -- I'm allergic after all. I carry an Epi-pen. I might die.

Okay, sure -- having the fresh vegetables is nice, but it's like this: Now we are eating cucumbers at every meal. Then it's peas, or tomatoes or lettuce and next it's squash and broccoli or carrots and potatoes and it's too bad if you don't want anymore, it's too bad if we've had them the last six nights, still you must eat, eat, eat them all. It's their time.

I love winter.

CNN's Election Interference

My husband makes me watch the Satanic network, CNN, every night. This usually necessitates a dose of Pesto-Bismol immediately afterwards. Mitch says we have to see what "the other side" is saying. What lies they are spreading. We also watch MSNBC, the birthplace of Satan embodied in Chris Hayes (The White Devil) and Joy Reid (The Black Devil). Those two make me wish I were capable of murder. Which I am not. I can't even kill a bug. But if I had the stomach for it and chose to completely ruin my life, I definitely would off them.

See what I said just then? Of course I could, but I never would -- it would be so wrong! This is exactly what Donald Trump said two nights ago on FOX NEWS, when asked if he would seek retribution for the last four years of the evil mistreatment he has endured from the Democrats if he wins the 2024 election. 

"When this election is over, based on what they've done, I would have every right to go after them," Trump told Sean Hannity when asked if he would use the justice system to go after his enemies. But he then said the suggestion that he would go after his political allies if he wins in November is "wrong" and "it has to stop." Trump went on to say that such a thing would be "bad for the country."

Over at CNN the next night, devil-in-training Kaitlin Collins played a clip of the interview, omitting the second part of Trump's answer. This blatant untruth was dissected by a panel of parrots expounding on how this clearly shows the danger of Trump winning the election. 

The worst part of it all is that so many people only watch the slanted left-wing media, literally shrieking in horror at the suggestion they also watch FOX to see all sides. Then they come away outraged over a wholly false story. Is this not election interference? 

Twisting the truth is CNN's stock-in-trade. They have no morals, no scruples. Do you?

Spring Cleaning All Year Long

Even if you are advanced in years (like me), you can greatly improve your life by doing some spring cleaning, no matter the season. Discarding old clothes that no longer fit --and never will -- takes a load off. The same thing applies to friends. Other people can affect us either negatively or positively, so it's best to be choosy.

Listen carefully. If you pay close attention you'll soon notice that many of your "old friends" have little to offer of any benefit. Many of them may be unhealthy, or even all the way to out of shape alcoholics or potheads who want only to whine and complain. This is why it's best to choose your companions carefully. I've certainly chosen unwisely in the past, which explains my first marriage and that one friend I had for 20 years who re-used a length of dental floss every day for a week. But hey -- I was young. 

No longer young, my requirements have tightened up considerably, which has resulted in spending most of my time alone and a lot of new paintings. But when I do socialize with the few people I know who aren't jackasses I am assured of a good time and even some new insight, or greater outlook, and at the very least confidence that good will ultimately prevail over evil. 

For example, I am certain that two of my current friends are not humans but angels. Seriously. They may lack wings but they are superior in all ways to the rest of us common mortals. Thus being in their company is joyous. I also recently replaced two mean-spirited, cold-hearted, humorless skinflints with two new women who are warm, funny, generous and kind. What a difference they've made in my life!

Now I just have to get rid of all those size 8 -- and 10 if I'm being honest -- pants staring at me in my closet.

Joe Biden's Ministry of Truth

Apparently the Democrats are using George Orwell's novel, 1984, as their blueprint for governing. Joe Biden and his unseen handlers at the White House -- a.k.a. the Ministry of Truth -- clearly believe the American people are hapless dummies. After three years in office and five months before the coming election that may end his administration, having turned our southern border into complete chaos that negatively affects the entire country following the calm and controlled situation during Trump's administration, Joe gets up and mumbles through a speech, flanked by ridiculously huge posters proclaiming "President Joe Biden Securing Our Border," like one might see in a junior high-school debate, about how he will now fix everything! 

It's laughable, except it's dead serious. How dumb do they think we are? Dumb enough to believe that those $50,000 styrofoam Greek columns flanking Barack Obama during his 2008 acceptance speech turned him into a mythical God? Dumb enough to believe that Joe never talked business with his son Hunter while he was Vice President and on the take from Ukraine? Or just dumb enough to believe that a weak, feeble, dishonest and demented old man could survive a second term.

Don't believe any of it. Go out and get a copy of 1984 today and you will finally understand the model behind the monstrous Democrat Party. 

You Might Be A Felon Too!

We are both Geminis born in New York City just nine days apart, but there's an important difference between me and President Donald J. Trump: He is a convicted felon and I am just a felon. Hey, who knows-- you might be one too. In fact, I'm betting you are. An article in today's Wall Street Journal describes some of the many ordinary paths leading to the dubious title. So far I've been down two of them that I know about.

First off, I am guilty of felony drug diversion for borrowing a prescription drug from somebody else. It happened a long time ago when I was flying from DC to Paris with my old friend Linda L. The plane hit turbulence and I freaked out. Fortunately Linda was packing Valium and I gladly sucked one down. (The statute of limitations would certainly apply here, at least in the old days before the justice system went to hell.)

I also might be guilty of tax fraud by possibly overestimating the value of my annual clothing donations to Goodwill. I mean come on, who knows what that stuff is really worth by the time I'm done with it?

Thus far I have not been indicted. But if Fat Alvin Bragg happens to stumble upon this blog, who knows. Please Alvin, no jail time -- I look really bad in orange. House arrest I can handle, in fact I've been in it for years and it's not bad at all.

Taking Advice from Stormy

Stormy, husband #2, and breasts.

The pablum we are fed by the media is becoming more and more distasteful, if not downright toxic. Of course there is the ridiculous statement, now the official mantra of CNN and the Washington Post, that Donald Trump is a "convicted felon." I say ridiculous because crimes that are classified as felonies tend to involve physical violence, or some type of action that can cause extreme harm psychologically. Examples of felony crimes include manslaughter or murder, aggravated assault and kidnapping. Notice that check-writing and non-disclosure agreements are not on the list.

Anyway, almost as ridiculous is the fact that Stormy Daniels, a former stripper and sex worker in pornographic films who is into her third marriage at age 45 and came out as bisexual six years ago, is reportedly giving advice to former First Lady Melania Trump. Stormy thinks "Melania should leave him."

Pablum is a noun referring to ideas, speech, writing, or other media that are bland or simplistic or that lack any real intellectual substance or value. 

Stormy -- not her real name -- has said that her relationship with Trump began at a golf tournament when she was 27 and he was 60. As she related in a salacious, televised interview with ratings-whore Anderson Cooper in 2018, Stormy "playfully swatted Trump on the backside" with a magazine he was holding. 

So let's get this straight: A young, trashy nobody --okay, she had already won a F.A.M.E (Fans of Adult Media and Entertainment) Award for "Favorite Breasts" -- grabs a magazine from the hand of a man 33 years her senior, a celebrity starring in his own TV show who had already built half of the city of Manhattan, and hits him on the butt. How nice. Then she accompanies him to his hotel room and has sex with him, even though she "didn't want to."

Not knowing Melania I have no idea of her response to such a suggestion, but if it were me, I wouldn't take Stormy's advice on what to order for lunch.

President Jailbird

In a twisted sort of way I hope that the deranged, Democrat-loving judge in NYC sentences Trump to jail for the sin of having extra-marital sex as a private citizen with a porn star and then 10 years later paying her to keep quiet after he decided to run for office. Surely he should be behind bars for that, right? 

After all, he's a danger to society who at any minute could keep something a secret from his wife and pay a third party not to tell, and the country would suffer for that -- almost as much as the random violence in our streets and the homeless vagrants sleeping in doorways in all our big cities and the growing number of teen drug overdoses and the high cost of living and the illegal immigrants swarming our borders. 

What a hoot -- imagine a President who is in the clink! Because you know he would still get elected.