What's On Your TV?

This morning I had the TV on during a morning news show, which I usually do while tidying up around the house from the night before. I was only half-listening, but still I sensed the war in Israel was the subject under discussion among several talking heads. After about five minutes of the 200 still-captive hostages and the pro-Palestinian protests in major cities and the threat of Iran jumping in, I was becoming quite depressed so I switched the channel to an old rerun of Friends.

It was the one where Rachel sleeps with her ex-fiance Barry and her best friend from high school who is now engaged to him finds out about it. So she then tells Rachel that she slept with Barry when Rachel was engaged to him. They both go to his orthodontics office to confront him. 

Obviously, neither of those two situations described above involve me; not the war in Israel or the love triangle on Friends. The fact that one of them is real and the other is fiction doesn't change anything: I'm still not a player in either scenario and am powerless to change events.

The major difference is that hearing details about the war in Israel -- and the war in Ukraine and all the other wars going on right now in the world -- makes me deeply depressed and physically exhausted, spurring me to eat cookies until I'm nauseous, whereas hearing details about the sitcom lives of Rachel and Ross and the whole Friends gang makes me laugh and thus feel better about being alive.

At my age, I have to try really hard to make the most of every day. Spending my limited time weeping over dead people I never knew and centuries-old feuds I cannot impact is both pointless and painful. Why do I do it?

The Joy of Silence

We all read the news, or hear it or see it on TV, and start yakking to one another about events taking place very far away from us and about which we can do nothing. We speak as if what we think matters even a tiny bit. But it doesn't. 

So why do we do it? To make other people think we are smart, even though we know inside ourselves that we are not. 

My advice is to do your own thing and do it well enough so when you speak about it, it has value and merit for the listener. Otherwise, keep quiet about the mountains of stuff you know nothing about.

What, Me Jewish? Don't Be Ridiculous!

I was planning to write a movie review of GOLDA, the semi-documentary starring Helen Mirren about the 1973 Yom Kippur war between Israel and Egypt now streaming on AppleTV and which I watched last night, but have decided against it in light of certain recent events, most notably the stabbing death in Detroit of a 40-year-old synagogue president who was found in her own driveway at the end of a trail of blood coming from inside her home.

No more Jewish stuff, no more about Hamas, no more about Israel and Palestine. Apparently anti-semitism is as rampant in the US as it is in the rest of the world, and I'd rather remain alive with my head attached to my body than be a martyr for the cause. 

I wish them all well, really. Hey, Hamas, in case you're reading this, I love your outfits! Those eye bands with the slits are very cool! You guys just go ahead and do what you have to do to get into Heaven, don't expect me to stop you.

Be Careful Who You Google

On a whim I googled an old friend -- in fact a very close friendship spanning from my late 20's through my early 60's -- who I had lost touch with, I was never really sure why. I entered his name in the search engine and suddenly was face-to-face with his obituary. He died two-and-a-half years ago and I hadn't heard.

The obituary did not mention cause of death although it did mention it was during the height of Covid. I wanted to know so I googled another friend from those days long ago who would likely know the details, and suddenly I was reading his obituary. He died last month.

I am not googling anyone else. Ever.

America's Demise

Congress convenes.

The Republicans fired a perfectly good Speaker because of a sketchy malcontent who has not come up with a replacement, thus making Congress impotent for the past several weeks and at a time when the world is on the brink of a widening war that may include America.

Joe Biden is a joke of a president and his VP is even worse, if that's possible. Watching his 15-minute "speech" last night, it was hard for me to even look at his severely-Botoxed, de-bagged, surgically altered face. Does he think that we all believe that at age 82 his cheeks are as smooth as a baby's bottom?  And what has happened to his eyes? He looks like an alien form of life.

"The Squad," that rancid group of Congresswomen who are openly and proudly pro-Palestinian and anti-American, actually have seats in our Congress (see photo at top) and vote on our laws.

Our country has virtually no borders, allowing anyone and everyone to stream in, bringing nothing of value except the drugs that are killing hundreds of thousands of our young people, yet they receive free housing, healthcare, education and food from our dumb-as-a-stone leadership.

Everything was so much better under Donald Trump, yet the Democrats continue to hamstring him at every turn and prevent him from winning another term in office. More of Joe Biden will surely ruin America forever. If you want a preview, read George Orwell's 1984.

Sorry, nothing funny today. 

How Far Is Heaven

Driving home from CrossFit this morning I was listening to a talk radio show discussing the current situation in the Middle East. Only half-listening really, as I was still mulling over the words of a well-meaning friend I had seen at the gym: "Stay out of downtown Portland for awhile, you know, because of the anti-Jewish protests and a few crazy nuts around town right now." Immediately I wondered -- do I really look that Jewish? -- and checked my nose in the rear-view mirror. My ex-husband, not a Jew, always said that if I stopped using my hands so much when I talk that I could "pass for white." (Notice I said ex-husband.)

Anyway, my friend's warning was disturbing, as I had no idea that was anything to worry about in Maine, recently named "The Safest State in America." But then I started listening to what the people on the radio were saying, and it amounted to the same thing. A university professor said, "I won't say that anti-semitism is on the rise, but rather that it's returning. It never actually went away completely." 

Listen, I don't care if it's rising, falling, coming back or going sideways -- if it's here it's here. And I'm a Jew. So what should I do? Hide in the basement, or maybe the attic, and keep a diary like Anne Frank? Small point: my house doesn't have an attic. Besides, it's impossible to hide from something so huge, with several  members of our very own government -- kittenishly labeled "The Squad" -- blatantly denouncing all Jews on a daily basis and siding with the Palestinians in this brutal war.

In a perfect world everyone would be Jewish, or Jewish-like, meaning smart, thoughtful, kind, nurturing, well-read, educated, compassionate and most of all funny. But it's not a perfect world and if my being all those things bothers some unthinking clod who wants me dead, so be it. I'm pretty sure Heaven is full of Jews I can hang out with. 

Besides, I hardly ever go into downtown Portland.

Amazon's Catalog of Political Correctness

It's no wonder I take lorazepam to control my anxiety and prevent another heart attack: I'm white, I'm a Jew, and I identify as female, the gender I was assigned at birth. I am also heterosexual, preferring the real thing to a strapped-on dildo worn by a woman pretending to be a man. 

Obviously I am stuck way in the past. Which is why I was shocked, stunned and insulted by the new Amazon gift catalog that came in the mail today, on several levels. First of all -- a gift catalog from Amazon? Really? Don't they already get all the money from everyone in the entire world, which is how its founder Jeff Bezos became the world's richest man with a net worth of $154.8 billion?

More to the point, the current catalog -- "Gifted! Amazon Holiday 2023" -- is so embarrassingly woke that it comes across as a parody published by The Onion. (Seriously, find a copy if you didn't get one already, it's amusing bathroom reading.) There are perhaps four or five white models in it, used a few times. Everyone else shown is black, Native American, Inuit, Chinese, Thai, Latino, Arab, Haitian, Indian, African or something else "of color."

One model, a "deaf performer" as the accompanying copy explains, is used to sell mascara. "Deaf people look into each other's eyes a lot. That's how we communicate. So I've always focused on dramatic eye looks." Of course we hearing people never look into each other's eyes. (I immediately tossed out all my mascara.)

A woman in a wheelchair who broke her neck years ago and is unable to walk was chosen to illustrate the "Sporty" page. (She plays adaptive pickleball.) Besides all the black families there are several photos of gay men, one Muslim, a fat lady and an old lady. But apparently no Jews, old or young, as a "holiday shopping tip" discusses Christmas and New Year's, but no mention of Hanukah.

I SAY BOYCOTT AMAZON, THEY HATE WHITE PEOPLE!  I'd do it myself but since I live in Maine, which is a shopping desert, I order something from them several times a week so I can't. But you definitely should. 

Pointing Fingers in the Middle East

The crazy war between Palestine and Israel continues, and nobody knows what's going on. It appears that no person or persons are in control of things on either side, or any sides if you include Lebanon and Iran. Certainly not the elected leaders of those countries. It's like a sudden food fight in the cafeteria, except instead of food it's weapons and instead of children it's grown-ups.

The latest horrible display of savagery occurred today when an explosion in a hospital in Gaza "supposedly" killed 500 people. Surely it was intentional, but who's intention was it? Israel claims it was a misfired Palestinian rocket, and Palestine insists it was an Israeli missile.

One logical explanation is that war is a game played by unimaginative men who can't think of anything else to do with themselves in this life. I have cried enough tears and no longer care how many more people die on either side, because you know what? Everyone dies eventually, one way or another. War is just one of the ways, and it's been quite popular for centuries.

The Pampered Pet Racket

Today I took my 15-year-old Maine Coon cat to the vet for his annual "senior preventive care exam." He hates going to the vet, and to prove his point he peed in his pet carrier on the drive over. I got to clean it while the vet prodded and pushed on his belly, looked into his ears, checked his teeth and weighed him. All of that took about two minutes and cost $81. Then a vet technician trimmed his claws in about one minute, for $25. 

It was strongly suggested that we do "senior blood work." I said no thanks, not because of the cost ($125) but because blood needed to be drawn from the jugular vein in Lurch's neck and he already appeared on the verge of a total nervous breakdown -- staring into space, eyes glazed over, tongue sticking out and barely breathing.  

The vet convinced me to purchase a package of "Advanced Feline Chews" to help Lurch with his mobility since he has arthritis. I asked if cats like them, as Lurch is very picky. She said her cat once ate the whole package when nobody was looking so she guessed they were pretty tasty. Those cost $22.  

Another option suggested was a once-a-month injection of something to alleviate Lurch's arthritis by making his joints more "elastic." That would cost about $130 per shot, and we'd have to go to the vet's office for it. I decided that if I embarked on that plan you would soon be hearing about a double-suicide in the news: me and Lurch. I passed.

When we got home I fed Lurch as a reward for not clawing my eyes out and put a few of those treats in with his food. He carefully ate around them and there they sit on the otherwise empty dish. At that price I may eat them myself; I have a touch of arthritis too.

War Sob Stories

Oh boo-hoo, enough already. Give us something we can use.

As the war continues in Israel, our TV news reporters are having a field day advancing their careers. Many of them are now broadcasting on the ground from Tel Aviv, Jerusalem or Gaza, in some instances even risking their lives to increase their employer's ratings back home and assure themselves of a healthy raise and possibly their own news show if and when this whole mess is over. And what's in it for us?

Much of the reporting, with one notable exception (Trey Yingst, FOX news), is little more than finding a family member who has suffered tremendously, either through the loss or capture of a loved one or personally, and asking them to recount the horror they have undergone. The reporter stands there holding the microphone while the bereaved interviewee cries on camera. Then the viewer, cosy and warm at home, is supposed to think the reporter is so talented and brave. I think intrusive, unfeeling, rude, nosy and insensitive is more accurate.

Personally I am already sick of these face-to-face interviews with the Israeli people whose lives have been shattered, and it's just getting started. I don't need to see any more of these sobfests to understand the situation there. Instead, I would love to see an interview with a member of Hamas. Now that would be interesting! A truly daring reporter could ask the following questions:

1. What terrible thing happened to you as a child that turned you into a monster?

2. When you decapitate a baby, do you look right at it or look away at the last minute?

3. Is it harder to murder a child or is it the same as killing an adult?

4. What's the best part of being a terrorist? The worst?

5. If you really look forward to death, why don't you just kill yourself right now?

6. What's the worst thing, in your opinion, about the Jews that make you want them all dead?

Now that would be some damn compelling reporting. Someone should tell Anderson Cooper.

Jewish and Proud

 "Mr. Levine, may I see you for a moment?"

I just received an email with the subject line, "How to Clean Strawberries So They Last Longer." I did not click. Maybe I should have, since I often bemoan how fast strawberries go bad in the fridge, or how they attract fruit flies when left out on the counter, but in light of world events it just doesn't seem to matter. 

Who needs fresh strawberries if Hamas is coming to get me? I am a Jew, and even though I live in Maine and not Gaza, the thought has entered my mind. 

Yesterday a huge pro-Palestinian demonstration, comprised of about 50,000 people, took place in London. Let's face it: pro-Palestinian means anti-Jew. And my husband is going to London in a little more than a week from today. So, using the Six Degrees of Separation rule, those people are virtually in my own backyard.

Yes, I'm worried. In fact, for the first time in my life I fear some sort of troubles could come my way because of my religion. Still, I wouldn't change it if I had the chance. Being a Jew is the best part of me.