News Flash: The United States has fallen off the list of the Top 20 Happiest Countries. That's no surprise, with 1 in 5 Americans suffering from a mental illness, according to statistics gathered by the NIMH. Forty million Americans suffer from anxiety, and who could blame them? Just the simple act of making a phone call to any business establishment or doctor's office these days is enough to make a grown man cry. And don't try the Suicide Hotline, I'm guessing it's just as bad. (Press 1 if you have cut your wrists; Press 2 if you swallowed a lot of pills; Press 3 if you tried that belt tied to a doorknob thing and it didn't work...)
I'm old enough to remember the good old days, and they really were better, despite the fact that anyone can now know the answer to anything in about a minute if they have access to the Internet. But I would trade my ability to win any argument, even with my husband, for a human being saying, "Hello, Dr. Rothstein's office, how can I help?"
Of course, happiness isn't everything. Like my mother always said, "As long as you've got your health," something that has eluded me since exactly one week ago today when I developed the "super-cold" currently gripping the greater Portland, Maine area. My visit to an urgent care facility offered little respite, instead advising me to "take aspirin and drink tea with honey." (Grandma, is that you?) In fact, the doctor, a pleasant young woman who looked about 22 but was probably older -- it was hard to tell since she wore a face mask -- told me that drinking tea with honey is more effective than taking cough medicines like Robitussin.
But here's The Horror: I have exactly ten and a half hours until I see one of today's funniest comics, Anthony Jeselnik, perform live at the Merrill Auditorium this evening, and I better stop coughing by then. It's scary because he is hysterical and laughing makes me cough. I better bring a big sock. And some duct tape.
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