It's All Bad News, But Have A Nice Day!

I have decided to become an isolationist. This is an act of self-preservation, as I don't want to end up hanging myself from a doorknob or shooting myself in the head or loading my pockets with rocks and drowning myself in the Casco Bay, the easiest method of all since I live close by and could walk to it in 15 minutes. 

Instead I want to enjoy that glorious first cup of coffee and listen to the songbirds in my yard and watch them pecking at the seeds in the feeder under the watchful eye of my fluffy, adorable cat who knows that hurting one of them would spell the end of his cushy life in our home.

And so to that end I must carefully curate what information enters my brain. To avert disaster I must avoid the Internet, the TV, newspapers and of course talk radio, all of which I currently employ and which bring me a steady stream of depressing, dastardly and ultimately debilitating news. For example, just in the last few days:

James Caan died at the age of 82 after battling an illness. ("Look what they did to my boy!") One of my favorite actors, I was saddened upon hearing the news and spent the rest of the day in a funk, ultimately taking a fall on my front steps when my foot exited my sandal. Now I'm not blaming Jimmy, understand, but my weakened emotional state played a part since this is the first time I have fallen since 2016 when I was out walking a few weeks after my hip surgery.

Shinzo Abe, former Japanese Prime Minister, was killed by a crazy. See, they have them in Japan too, where the gun laws are so tough the assassin had to make his own.

Boris Johnson was ousted as British Prime Minister for having too much personality. Illustrating that, he said in his departing announcement, "Them's the breaks."

This week the National Education Association proposed replacing the word "mother"with "birthing person."  These morons are in charge of what is taught to our children. No wonder so many kids are so twisted that when they finally escape the cold, hard grip of forced education, they go out and buy weapons and shoot up a school. 

A new, even worse strain of COVID has been detected. This one defies vaccination, is highly contagious, and can be contracted over and over again. All help appears futile.

And don't forget the war in Ukraine, the Russian despot, and the old man in the White House.

Have a nice day!