Just Say No to Nude Pickleball

"At the Beach Playa" by Fernando Botero

There's a heated controversy afoot on Nantucket Island concerning whether or not that ritzy town should permit nude beaches. While I haven't been there in more than 40 years, I remember it as a place with a bustling town center full of shops and restaurants and outlying beaches of exquisite serenity hidden from view by towering sand dunes. Of course, everyone there was insanely rich with a few exceptions, me being one of them. But thankfully, everyone was fully clothed.

Nudity is nice for marble statues in the Met, paintings by Fernando Botero (see above), newborn babies and children under the age of five. After that it's questionable. Certainly by the time one has the money to visit Nantucket or live there, nudity among the aging millionaires seems somewhat nauseating. Thus, my vote would be a no.

Similarly, playing pickleball in the nude, something I read about recently that is actually being done somewhere in Florida, should be firmly outlawed, and I use the word "firmly" to remind everyone how unfirm most of the players of that less-strenuous-than-tennis game surely are. Hey, I can hardly stand to see myself naked, and I work out.