It's sweeping the country. Or rather, it's sweeping the media. Betomania, that is. The press adores Beto O'Rourke because of his outrageous behavior. What great stories they can weave around him: He skateboards onstage at his rallies! He jumps on bar tops like Mick Jagger! He's Kennedy-esque! He's on the cover of VANITY FAIR! He says he was "born to run," evoking Bruce Springsteen in a sneaky, subliminal way. He live-streams himself eating donuts, then getting his teeth cleaned at a dental appointment! A true renaissance man, the TV anchors barely have to do anything but sit there and let him act out and they've got their evening news clip ready to go.
They've even come up with the term "Betomania," just to make sure you know you are feeling manic about him. Some of them certainly are, like Chris Matthews who admitted to the world he "felt a thrill going up his leg" when Obama spoke. Well, with Beto, Chris is apparently going down his leg: "I always say the candidate wins who's got the sun in his face, who looks like sunny, optimistic, not the indoor bureaucrat sitting at some desk somewhere," Matthews said. "That's the image you want."
Why not simplify the whole process and choose our next president from among a group of contestants like they do on American Idol? Everyone would watch, and everyone would vote. Of course they'd have to ditch the Electoral College, but nobody likes that anyway. Imagine: Elizabeth Warren could do a Native American rain dance. Cory Booker might work up a Michael Jackson impersonation, no blackface needed. Beto is already doing Jagger, and he could kick it up a notch. Bernie Sanders could pull off a stand-up routine ala Jackie Mason; he's halfway there already every time he opens his mouth. Amy Klobuchar could do a sitcom skit wherein she berates her staff and makes them eat off of plastic hair combs.
Admit it: The possibilities are endless.
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