You Gotta Be You

One of the perks of aging -- and I say one of the perks hoping there are more I have yet to discover but fearing there may not be -- is that I am finally old enough to stop thinking about what I should be doing in order to make myself more tolerable to others and instead just do what feels right. I'm pretty sure this is true for everyone who is not in dire straits and has the basics like food and shelter covered.

For example, my husband often suggests I find some activities that get me out of the house and interacting with others. Until quite recently I bought his line of thinking and, not wanting to live my life incorrectly, have sought ways to widen my social circle. But hey, guess what: I don't want to. In fact, the wider it gets, the worse I feel.

For most of my life I have judged my natural reclusiveness to be wrong behavior, thinking I should get out there and congregate like everyone else, or at least all the normal people. But what is considered to be normal congregation in this society these days goes against my very nature. And really, it's not crazy at all; there was even a hit song about it back in 1968 sung by Sammy Davis, Jr. who I never liked even a little (his glass eye was too distracting), which is why I paid no attention to it. Then too, I was only 22 at the time and the last person I wanted to be was myself. But now I do. (At last.)

I Gotta Be Me
Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong
I gotta be me, I've gotta be me
What else can I be but what I am

I want to live, not merely survive
And I won't give up this dream
Of life that keeps me alive
I gotta be me, I gotta be me
The dream that I see makes me what I am

That far away prize, a world of success
Is waiting for me if I heed the call
I won't settle down, won't settle for less
As long as there's a chance that I can have it all

I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
I can't be right for somebody else
If I'm not right for me
I gotta be free, I've gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die
I've gotta be me

Lyrics by Walter Marks