In just about every way possible Halloween sucks, yet millions of parents and childless adults schlep to grocery stores to buy bags of packaged shit for the innocent children who look to them for guidance, creating a lifelong addiction to sugar while fattening their little tummies, not to mention the wallets of all those corporate executives.
Having perpetuated this empty ritual for most of my life I am now remorseful, abashed and ashamed. But it's never too late to make a change for the better, and so this year I shall leave the porch light off and keep my beautiful pumpkin intact. I wish everyone else would too so we can all move on and possibly even evolve.
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