What Matters Most

So many Republicans are running for president it's hard to keep them all straight. What's a voter who hates Hillary Clinton to do? Obviously, vote for the one with the prettiest wife. (Lindsey Graham is not married and Carly Fiorina has a husband.) Following are the contenders in no particular order, although it's easy enough to spot the real dogs who have no chance of becoming America's next First Lady. Also interesting to note is the fact that the biggest boob of them all is married to the woman with the biggest boobs:

Mrs. Rick Santorum

Mrs. Rick Perry

Mrs. Mike Huckabee

Mrs. Ted Cruz

Mrs. Donald Trump

Mrs. George Pataki

Mrs. Bobby Jindal

Mrs. Rand Paul

Mrs. Ben Carson

Mrs. Marco Rubio

Mrs. Jeb Bush