Speaking in Tongues

I wish people would just speak plain English. Unless of course they don't, then they should just speak plain whatever language they speak. But the whole euphemism thing is simply out of control.

Searching the classifieds, I found an ad seeking a "Direct Support Professional." Sounds good, except it turns out to be the exact same thing as a "Life Skills Coach," which also sound good if a tad snooty, like maybe you need a degree in the field, only what they both do is simply take care of people, be they aged, handicapped, or mentally or physically infirm in some way, who are unable to take care of themselves. This often involves eating, bathroom activities, getting dressed and the like.

Seems like those terms are specifically calculated to hide the truth. Which is dumb, since eventually you'll find out the truth, so why not advertise and get people who actually want to do that job? Hey, how about NURSE, or maybe CARETAKER?

Similarly, I did not attend my 50th high school reunion last weekend, but still was curious about it. However, by all reports it was a "deeply transcendent" and "transformative" event, which belies the pizza party in the school gymnasium and the hike in a nearby state park, yet not one attendee has offered any down-to-earth description of the proceedings. Can't someone admit, "It was fun getting together with people my own age and pretending we were young again?"

Just say what you mean, people. Life is short.