Cooking for Dummies

Put everything in a big pot and add fire.

I am continually amazed at the number of cookbooks, cooking blogs, and televised cooking shows that attract a seemingly infinite number of people, all of whom, one supposes, cannot boil water without instructions. After all, cooking is not rocket science. Cavemen fed themselves, as did every past civilization and many indigenous tribes. They did not have people like Paula Deen or Rachael Ray or that Barefoot Contessa lady telling them how to do the simplest things. Like to melt butter, put it over something hot. To make things smaller, chop them. Even smaller? Dice them. Etcetera, etcetera.

If I sound annoyed, it's because I am. I just read an article in today's New York Times about yet another blogger who stumbled into a fortune by writing a cooking blog. She got tons of readers, and now she has a book and all the rest. Hey, I can cook, in fact really well! But I am not going to all of a sudden start telling people how to make lamb stew (See photo) or what is the best kind of whisk to achieve the fluffiest whipped cream, although if you want to know just ask and I will be happy to oblige.

Here is how to cook anything: First, imagine eating it and decide how you want it to taste. Sweet, salty, spicy? Just add things that taste that way, hold all of it over or put it inside a heat source, and when the ingredients are no longer raw--which means they are soft when you stick a fork in them--it's done. If you are having company, add a lot of butter. If you are dieting, use olive oil instead. Serve on nice dishes, as presentation is at least 85% of the deal.