Beltway Connections for Dummies

Illustration by Dalibor Tomic

An article in today's Wall Street Journal reinforces my joy over not living in Washington anymore. It's all about a pompous "Beltway power broker," a technology industry lobbyist (barf) from Rockville, Maryland (double barf) who "painstakingly" draws up a list of his favorite books and movies every year and sends it to 80 "select" people who lack the time and/or brains to figure out what to see or read on their own. He has been doing this since 1999. I won't mention his name here for the very same reason Anderson Cooper refused to mention Adam Lanza's name on-air: I don't want you to remember him, just his crime.

The list, cleverly called "The List," is sent strictly to Democrats, those part-human, part-sheep creatures who all strive to do the same thing and thus remain part of the In Crowd; this is just one more way they can. Besides, everyone knows that Republicans only read their bank statements and stock reports and only watch movies like "Wall Street" and "Wall Street 2."

To give you an idea of The List creator's intelligence, he says about "Skyfall," the latest James Bond movie panned by several critics and at least two of my friends: "I saw this movie three times in eight days and I could see it in the theaters once a week indefinitely." Okay, so the guy likes hot babes and guns and sex-- that's certainly his right. But please, keep these things to yourself, Buddy. And no, his name is not Buddy.

Getting yourself put on The List list takes "a particular mix of cultural sophistication, luck and a connection to Mr. X" (not his real name). Unlike the Supreme Court, getting on The List does not mean staying on it; this guy drops people if they don't reply with "pithy comments." I can just imagine how pithy those comments are concerning James Bond and how many women he sleeps with and which one has the hottest bod, and how many villains he kills and with what kind of guns, and whether or not this actor playing Bond is better or worse than the last five actors playing James Bond.

Anyone who wants my list of favorite books and movies can have it for the asking. But why would you?