γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Painting by Amy Stewart

Blithely cruising along on the Going-to-Haiti-in-March Bandwagon, I started reading about that country in earnest last night. What I learned was enough for me to slam on the brakes, pull over, jump off and run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. I have not gotten this old by being dumb. And while I am hoping for more than lying poolside with an umbrella drink in one hand and a book in the other, some of the things I am not looking to experience on a vacation--or even not on a vacation--include, but are certainly not limited to:
1. Murder
2. Rape
3. Kidnapping
4. Robbery
5. Malaria, or even malaria pills
6. Traffic jams lasting several hours
7. Dengue fever
8. High blood pressure and no doctors
9. Traveler's --or anyone's--diarrhea
10. Mosquito bites the size of eggs, or worse, mosquitos laying eggs inside me (Okay, so I have a vivid imagination--sue me.)
11. Seeing abject poverty everywhere
12. Crying over the emaciated children living in the streets while I'm stuck inside a broken-down bus in 90-degree heat
13. An earthquake
14. Undrinkable water
15. 100% humidity for days

Yes, I'm a wimp. I wish I were one of those world travelers who takes things in stride, who bounces back from adversity, who laughs at danger. Alas, I have spent my entire life getting over being kidnapped for 24 hours by a relatively harmless old bag lady in Brooklyn when I was four, and I'm finally starting to feel better about that. I certainly want an adventure, but one I can survive.