Even though I still have no idea what I am supposed to be doing here,
I've now been around long enough for one of my body parts to wear out.
In the past, I'd simply have to live with the slow disintegration of my
hip, or--as the doctor put it--"just limp to death." But in the year
2012 I can go out and get a brand new one. So why aren't I happier about
it?This morning I went to see "the best hip guy in Maine," which I know isn't saying much but he swears that tons of people fly here from all over the country to see him. Anyway, as you can already tell he is pretty funny. As I bombarded him with questions regarding success rates, pain, recovery times, and most of all, the likelihood of a flesh-eating virus eating away at my body following the procedure, he noted drily, "You may have some issues I can't help you with." Ha! After he stopped laughing, he pointed out that the miracle of hip replacement is so commonplace these days that everyone forgets it is basically a miracle. And since there have been no burning bushes in my yard and I have yet to see God or be directed to translate any tablets or go forth and multiply, this hip surgery is maybe the closest I will come, miracle-wise.
Still, it seems wrong and even a tad selfish to get a brand new fake hip installed just for fun,
which is really what it would be for. My brave friend Amy is days away
from getting a new kidney so she can go on living well, but somehow my
hip seems more frivolous than her kidney. On the other hand, a new
kidney requires a donor while a hip just requires a part from a factory,
no doubt in China, which looks just like it fell off one of those Dyson
rolling-ball vacuum cleaners you see advertised on TV all the time. Who
knows...one of them might be mine. 
Most people I know recover well with few or no complications, it does not completely eliminate pain. It does improve mobility.Quite amazing to have a total hip replacement and be home in 24 hours. When I was a young and enthusiastic nurse, you stayed at the Hotel Maine Med for 4 days after a gall bladder removal. Which meant all your family was there watching soap operas and helping themselves to sodas and graham crackers in the kitchen while you were semi conscious. And then going down to the smoking lounge and then stinking the room up. Much better to get people out quickly, which is a function of the expertise in the areas of anesthesia and pain control. You must have seen Dr. B. He is a most very funny fellow. A sense of humor helps the healing process. That and narcotics.
ReplyDeleteApology for the anonymous, can't remember what a URL is, pathetic is what I am. In terms of technology.
ReplyDeletewhat? you just sign your NAME!
ReplyDeleteso andrea, are you really going to get one?