Disaster in High Heels

With so many great minds excelling in the fields of medicine, science, business, education and entertainment, it's sad that we are forced to consider the possibility of Michele Bachmann as our leader. In desperation, her opponents are now attacking her high heel-induced migraine headaches, suggesting they could interfere with her carrying out the duties of the President. How ridiculous, when she has so many other flaws that make her unsuitable to spend one more second in pursuit of this lofty goal.

Perhaps the most offensive one was foreshadowed in 2004, when Bachmann stated publicly, "We need to have profound compassion for people who are dealing with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life and sexual identity disorders.” I suppose that means she is extra nice to her own husband, a prancing flamer who could be Harvey Fierstein's understudy in Torch Song Trilogy. Together, the couple owns a Christian counseling center with a focus on curing homosexuality.

Media reports say Bachmann's anti-gay stance "has outraged liberals and alienated moderate Republicans, while endearing her to many conservative Christians."  As for the rest of us, there is still time! Surely we can do better than scraping the bottom of the political barrel by inducing others to run for office. I'm not proud of this, but I must make the old headache joke: Sorry Michele, not tonight. Not any night.