Everywhere you look, America is losing ground: The dollar is a joke, the Russians beat us in space, and yesterday three Chinese deep-sea divers went deeper than we ever have, surpassing us in underwater exploration. What's worse, we aren't even the fattest nation anymore since Kuwait has overeaten us to the top tubby spot.Depressed by the fact that I no longer live in the greatest country in the world, which is what my parents always told me growing up--"You were lucky enough to be born in the greatest country in the world and you will eat every last one of those beets, young lady!"--I went searching for proof of continued American dominance in any area. Happily, I found it: Besides having the highest documented incarceration rate in the world, we are the leaders in smartphone technology. I witnessed the latter firsthand at a business dinner I attended recently with my husband and some of his colleagues and their spouses, all here for a work retreat.
There were nine of us at a restaurant touted as among the best in Portland. Despite that, it was slow going getting served, but instead of having to rely on old-fashioned conversation, we were treated to a virtual slide show at the table! Within seconds of placing our orders, the three other women whipped out their iPhones and started passing them around like 3-D glasses at an IMAX theater. I saw fabulous pictures, many worthy of National Geographic, of grandiose vacations and memorable graduations, of weddings inside and out, of children and newborn grandchildren, and a couple of foreign exchange students thrown in for good measure. It was great--I hardly had to say anything clever at all, just nod and murmur things like "wow" and "she's sooo pretty!" And by the time our entrees showed up I felt like I had known them all for years, despite us having just met a day or two before.
Charlene's phone was the best--it even had a flashlight capability so in case you lost your keys or were sitting around a campfire and needed to find the marshmallows, you were good to go. I was so embarrassed that all my dumbphone can do is ring.
deneb says: It is scary to think that this is the future.....no more clever conversations. A society of observers.
ReplyDeleteWe still have to talk, just not as much.
ReplyDeleteyou are the funniest person that ever lived
ReplyDelete"Passing them around like 3-D glasses at an IMAX theater"!!
reminded me of a line in your book: "balloons hovering in the corners like security guards on a smoke break"
awesome imagery
Thanks for the compliment honey, but you seem to be forgetting someone, like Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jackie Mason, Richard Lewis, Richard Pryor, Robert Klein, and of course, Joe Recca!
ReplyDelete