Grabbing the Brass Ring

3-D painting by Janet Boyd

My husband often suggests we hire a cleaning lady to alleviate my household chores. My usual response is, "I would rather die." Despite the fabulous cooking and baking and cleaning and child-rearing portrayed in that movie, "The Help," I have never found help to be any help at all. When I had a new baby I hired someone to help, and the two of us sat around drinking coffee and talking most of the time. For a short while I had some hired help when my son was in elementary school and I was working part-time, and usually after the nice lady left I went around the house looking for all the things she had moved and put back in the wrong place. Besides, I find the whole concept of paying someone to clean my dirt appalling. However, after searching for jobs online in editing and writing for many years, I finally understand how to put things in a positive light, and am now considering placing the following ad on Craigslist in search of some help around the house:

Rare Internship in Home Maintenance
Don't miss this rare opportunity to live and work by the water in lovely Freeport, Maine! Now you too can have a shot at The American Dream: Home ownership without the mortgage! Every day (some weekends and nights required) you can rule the roost, cleaning a three-story, 10-room domain. Included are three bathrooms--all with toilets, one with shower, one with tub--awaiting your special touch to make them sparkle! Feel free to improvise; all necessary supplies will be on hand, after you have purchased them at the store of your choice. (All items reimbursable with receipts.) 

So go ahead and grab the brass ring! Among the challenges are a fabulous, professional stove top with six burners that seem to manufacture grime and grease! Wash and sweep beautiful hardwood and ceramic tile floors covered with sand, mud and animal fur! As an added perk, the home boasts three adorable cats, offering you the ongoing opportunity to interact with several litter boxes on a daily and never-ending basis: Scoop cat turds, wash the boxes and implements, constantly haul 28-pound boxes of litter in from the store, adding muscles as you go--in fact, do whatever the hell you wish! Vacuum, dust--the sky's the limit!

Unfortunately at this time we are unable to offer any pay, but for the right candidate this can grow into a permanent position and at a later date there may definitely be a small stipend. Don't miss this rare opportunity to live and work by the water in beautiful, rural Maine! (Water not visible from home, Whoopie Pies not included.)