Film Review: SOMEWHERE IN QUEENS

Leo and Angela are not happy......

Fans of Ray Romano's popular sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond may be surprised to see him so unloved by most of his family in this sometimes depressing but still endearing movie. Written and directed by Romano, this bittersweet tale of young love and family angst within a boisterous Italian family is The Sopranos but without all the murders. Instead there are seemingly endless over-the-top celebrations for anniversaries, birthdays, christenings and Sweet 16 parties, all held at the same tacky Queens, New York party venue.

Central to all this is Leo Russo (Romano), a nebbishy loser who works for his stern father's contracting business alongside his slick, obnoxious brother Frank (Sebastian Maniscalco). Romano shows his depth as a serious actor, as does Laurie Metcalf as his wife Angela, a tough-as-nails Italian momma with a soft center she rarely exposes. But it seeps out in one outstanding scene where she breaks down and admits to Leo her fear that the cancer she has successfully overcome might return. (Have tissues handy.)

Everyday life is dreary and uneventful for Leo and Angela, except for parenting their slightly autistic teenage son Matthew (Jacob Ward) whose shaky self-confidence soars on the basketball court. With the possibility of a full sports scholarship to a decent college in the offing, Leo goes to a dangerous extreme to ensure that Matthew qualifies. When his ruse is uncovered all hell breaks loose, right in the middle of somebody's anniversary party. Cake is thrown, there's lots of yelling and some hitting, but the deejay plays on. 

It's all a bit of a stretch but the message is real: parents will do anything for their kids to be happy.

 

 

Film Review: OPPENHEIMER

By now we all know that when an avalanche of advertising precedes the release of a new movie, it's likely a real bomb. While Oppenheimer is not that, it's about a bomb and leaves much to be desired. So very, very much. Like a film editor with a backbone, for starters. It's three hours long and it might have been fairly decent at two with all the detritus removed. For example:

There are lots of scenes featuring blackboards covered with mathematical formulas, surrounded by young men in suits spouting technical jargon. I snoozed a bit through those.

The film switches from color to black and white for no apparent reason, many times. It also moves from one era to another era with little warning, and the color vs. black and white is not a clue. Only the director (Christopher Nolan) knows why.

To break up the tedium, a brief and dreary "sex" scene was inserted that makes the act of fornication look like a Hamas punishment wherein two naked people are strapped together and forced to move oddly, one on top of the other, while having a depressing conversation. Later on, more nudity shows up for no apparent reason other than to keep members of the audience from falling asleep.

Oppenheimer in close up, again and again and again .....

The director wastes a lot of frames on psychedelic bursts of colors and shapes, ostensibly to describe physics and explosions -- atom bomb, get it? -- and what you see in your head when you drop acid or have an ocular migraine. I'm guessing here, but perhaps it was because the movie first was released on IMAX. I watched it in my living room on a regular TV and was not blown away, unless you count leaving to go to the bathroom.

Mr. Oppenheimer is played by a skinny little guy with no charisma, I forget his name, whose face is almost always right there, for a long time. (We get it, the film is called Oppenheimer, enough already!) 

Other known actors who showed up for itty bitty parts are Casey Affleck, Rami Malek and Kenneth Branaugh. The actor who played Albert Einstein looked more like Captain Kangaroo than Albert Einstein. A lot more.

The beautiful Emily Blunt deserves an Oscar for looking hideous and accepting a role that had almost no character development.

The U.S. dropped an atom bomb on Hiroshima and boo-hoo, some of the people who made the bomb felt bad about it. Like who knew it would kill so many people and burn their faces off?

Robert Downey Jr. is the best part of the movie and will still be handsome when he's old. Matt Damon is already not handsome anymore and gives the worst performance of his career and this film.

Happy Thanksgiving?

I wish I could say I am having sushi for dinner at my favorite restaurant this evening after a relaxing day. But instead I got up early, baked a pumpkin pie, then started on the mashed yams and soon will make the stuffing for a 13-pound turkey, to be followed by the whole rest of the dinner and then setting the table and finally cleaning up after dessert. 

A day spent cooking and eating and I'm already about ten pounds over my fit-into-those-jeans weight. This is so my husband and son and the other guests will have a nice day and think well of me after my death, although they probably won't considering we all tend to fight on the holidays. 

And people are starving and war is everywhere, and anyway the Pilgrims were colonizers and killed a lot of Native Americans and now millions of turkeys have been slaughtered, and for what?

This is how my mind works. Maybe in a next life it will be more like that of Rose on The Golden Girls. That would be swell.

What's Not to Like About A Jew?

When it comes to antisemitism I am at a complete loss. Yes, I am Jewish, but there are some self-hating Jews out there that probably agree with the Muslims, or Hamas or the Palestinians or whoever finds  a Jew distasteful, like my ex-friend who lives down the street.

Nan and I were friends once. We walked our dogs together every day, and we went to the movies or the farmer's market together. We laughed and shared books and generally enjoyed one another's company. She got sick with cancer and I grieved, then celebrated her return to health. All was good, until the day I loaned her my copy of Maus, the award-winning graphic novel by Art Spiegelman that tells the story of his father's time at Auschwitz during the war. 

Two days later Nan came to my door with the book, actually books since it's a set of two volumes. She had a pained expression on her face and said, and I am quoting verbatim here, "This is not for me. We don't do this." Handing me the books, she turned and walked away. And that's virtually the last time we spoke to one another, besides the occasional, "Please get your dog out of my flower bed." (Me to her.)

I've never been quite clear on who was "we" and what it is they "don't do." Perhaps a clue is the wooden sign posted on a tree at the entrance to her driveway that says, "NO TURNAROUNDS." Like god forbid you might erode the driveway's topcoat with your wheels while doing so. (And people say Jews are cheap?)

Gentiles, except for my friends of course, can be mean, cold-hearted and ungenerous. Jews are empathetic, warm, spirited and very generous, especially with food. As George Constanza's mother Estelle famously said when she and Frank were invited to meet George's future gentile in-laws, "We're sitting there drinking coffee, without a piece of cake!" Jews got the joke.

So if you are antisemitic, or on the fence, get to know a Jew, and take notes. You too can become a nice person with the proper training. And definitely read Maus.

Don't Quote Me

This is my blog and I write about what I want to write about, not what I think people want to read about in order to get more clicks or likes or readers or whateverthefuck people want these days from the internet. 

If I did write what people want to read it would be all Taylor Swift and her football player boyfriend and Kate Middleton's latest hairstyle and any and every black rapper and how much Trump sucks, so no thanks.

A recent "critic" chastised me for writing about the rise of anti-Semitism and then a day later about Matthew Perry's death, denigrating me as a "source." Hey, I'm no source, please don't quote me.

Hell Is All Around Us

I know, I know -- people are being held hostage in tunnels and entire families have been wiped out and the ravages of war are way beyond horrible, and I'm not in it so I should be grateful and nothing should bother me. I know all that and I agree but still, there are the little things. And sometimes little things can be big enough to bum you out...

For example, today I went to the market to buy fish. A pound of haddock to be exact. There was the fish in the glass case, all nicely laid out on ice as usual. But today there was something new: pre-made packages of fish in plastic containers in a separate area of the refrigerated section, next to a sign that said "Grab 'n' Go!" I asked the fish guy what the difference was between buying the pre-packaged fish and having him slice and weigh the fish right in front of me.

Fish Guy: No difference! I made up those packages myself a few hours ago, it's just as fresh.

Me: So, no difference at all?

Fish Guy: None whatsoever, except for the convenience.

I opted for the plastic package and went on my way. When I got home I found out the difference: all my groceries were wet and smelled like fish. That plastic package did not have a tight seal, apparently. After washing everything I'd bought and mopping up the fish liquid that had leaked through the fabric shopping bag and onto the carpeted floor of the trunk of my car, I called the store to complain-slash-alert them to the problem. I was put on hold, where I remained until I got hung up on.

So yeah, war is Hell. But sometimes other things are too.

 

 

Muslim or Jew? You Decide.

Lately Muslims have become quite popular on college campuses across America, especially at Columbia University where anti-Semitism is a required course for entering freshmen. Young people adore the Palestinians, who are Islamists, a.k.a. Muslims. Following is a snapshot of the rules of that particular religion.

Muslims are prohibited from gambling, fortune-telling, lying, stealing, cheating, oppressing or abusing others, being greedy or stingy, disrespecting parents, and mistreating relatives, orphans or neighbors.

Sounds good, right? Like who wouldn't agree to all that? But then there's this: When an unmarried male commits adultery with an unmarried female, they both receive 100 lashes and banishment from society for one year.  And in the case of a married male committing adultery with a married female, they each shall receive 100 lashes and then be stoned to death. This seems unduly nasty, since if you are going kill the person why bother with the pre-lashing? 

And what if you steal something? How does the Muslim faith treat thieves? Theft is punished by the amputation of the offender's right hand. Armed or highway robbery may be punished by execution, crucifixion, or amputation of hands and feet from opposite sides of the body, depending on the severity of the offense.

Meanwhile, the Jews are much more forgiving. If you're a Jew who commits adultery, all that will happen is that people will gossip about you behind your back, and some people may contact you hoping to hear all the juicy details. As for theft, if it's less than $900 worth of goods, nothing happens at all!

So go ahead and choose. You decide, I just report.

Matthew Perry Was No Chandler Bing

I am a little over halfway through Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing, a memoir by Matthew Perry, a.k.a. Chandler Bing. I was motivated to read it after his recent death since I had become a fan of "Friends" reruns and got to like his character best of all. But this book has made me a whole lot less sad that he died. What a selfish twit he was! 

At age 24, armed with fabulous looks and good fortune, he won the role of Chandler and starred in a top-rated sitcom for ten years that paid him a million dollars an episode. Plus, his girlfriend was Julia Roberts when she was the "it" girl, but boo hoo, he couldn't enjoy it all because he had a hole in his heart that he could only fill with alcohol.

Stories of how he got to be selfish, and an asshole, and a drunken selfish asshole, and examples thereof, are the meat and potatoes of the book. Eventually you will get really, really full and decide you've had enough.

Married to a Jew Should Count for Something

Mr. and Mrs. Giggles

I wish Kamala Harris would quit giggling and mention the fact, or even just remember, that SHE IS MARRIED TO A JEW! Yet she is all hot and bothered by what she called "growing Islamaphobia." Someone should tell her that according to the FBI there has been a 400% increase in anti-Semitic acts in this country since October 7.

Second Gentleman Douglas Emhoff -- cat got your tongue? Where do you stand?

Lil' Kim Is Bigger Than God

A freak of nature who is a rapper, maybe, or hip-hopper or whatever they call it these days, Lil' Kim, 49, has an ego the size of Texas and even bigger breasts. She claims that her upcoming memoir is "currently getting orders that indicate it will outsell the Bible."

Sadly, there are people like this who are allowed to vote in our elections. (No wonder the U.S. is such a mess.) 

According to the publisher, Hachette Books, Lil' Kim's memoir is set for release on September 23, 2025. Be sure to mark your calendar.

Film Review: NYAD

Now streaming on Netflix, NYAD is an inspirational quasi-documentary about the endurance swimmer Diana Nyad, who wowed the world with her stamina at the age of 28 when she swam around Manhattan Island in eight hours. The film re-introduces us to her when she is about to turn 60 and is dealing with a post-midlife crisis. Are all her best days behind her? She says no.

Annette Bening plays Diana, and without a stitch of modesty. No makeup, wrinkly skin, messy hair and all, she gives a fantastic and 100% believable performance as a woman desperately holding on to her youth, a bit off her rocker and doggedly determined to make the best of her latter years. With her every step, or rather stroke, of the way is her best friend who takes on the role of her swim coach, Bonnie Stoll (Jodie Foster). The movie is basically the two of them, with plenty of help from a team of kayakers and navigators, and their interaction is lots of fun to watch. 

Besides the very compelling story of Diana attempting to swim from Cuba to Key West -- the one swim she failed at during her youthful heyday -- despite her advanced age, the underwater scenes of her several attempts are beautifully photographed and will make you so happy you spent the money for that big screen TV.

Flashbacks to Diana's childhood are interspersed with her grueling training sessions and painful swims, like the one where she gets attacked by poisonous jellyfish. It's all quite interesting and definitely not the same old rom-com or action hero claptrap. As for being inspirational, if there is any goal you may have given up on because of your age or physical condition, this movie will change your mind, fire you up and get you going.