When You're Dead

Nobody knows exactly what happens after we die. This is because nobody dead has ever come back to life, and I mean nobody. (If you are thinking Jesus Christ, oh please.) From all that we can see here in this realm, dead people cease to exist. They don't need food or clothing or shelter or anything at all, really. Dead people do not have expenses.

The cost of dying is a different story. It's actually free if you are incinerated in a plane crash or fire or lost at sea.
Lingering illnesses that require hospitalization are a different story, since the cost of a bed and treatment are crazily high. The thing is, in all of those cases you end up just as dead. So why leave the survivors with less cash?

This is the conversation my husband and I are now having, which is goddam depressing if you ask me. I say cremate me, and do it for as little as possible. This can run anywhere from a few hundred bucks up to a thousand, depending on a few details. I want no details, wishing to leave as much money to my son as possible.

On the other hand, my husband, who seems to have taken leave of his senses since his best friend died and was buried in a Jewish cemetery five months ago, has suddenly decided he wants to be buried too, with all the bells and whistles. This will run to $8,979, with $2,600 going to the Jews in charge of picking up his body, washing it, and eventually dumping it in the ground in a plain pine box, the body wrapped in a shroud for an extra $150.)

I am unbelievably outraged at his apparent insanity, allegedly brought on by seeing his friend lowered into the ground. Somehow he likes thinking of Ira in the ground, seeing it as a "respectful repository of the body that once held his soul." All I can say is, "Oy vey iz mir, Gut in himmel."

I say when you're dead, you're dead! That money could be used to help living people in need or leave to your son and future grandchildren. I also say that the death industry is little different than drinking the Kool-Aid in Jonestown. A cult is a cult is a cult.