News Nobody Needs

With a readership of 46.6 million adults, People has the largest audience of any American magazine. You'd think this would lend it some gravitas. But no. Its current cover promises the "untold story" of crooner Barry Manilow's sexuality. Apparently he's gay, like we didn't already know, and anyway so what? Some stories should remain untold, and this is definitely one of them.

What I do want to know is how Mama June lost 300 pounds while I can't lose a measly ten and why J. Lo and A-Rod have nicknames but Barry Manilow is just Barry Manilow.

I mean really: 300 pounds is a lot. That's like two adults or three or four entire children.