Two Hot Dogs, Hold the Relish

As everyone would agree, things are a mess. This can only be attributed to the basic truth that humans are dumb clucks. Unfortunately, animals must bear the brunt of our stupidity, although God only knows why they don't band together and start a revolution, one they would surely win. Dogs in cars, lions in zoos, dolphins at Sea World--it's all so humiliating for them. The real issue is why people think they have the right to mistreat animals in horrendous ways.

Recently I heard a loud barking coming through the walls of my art gallery. I went outside to check and found a car with two little black dachshunds inside, in a crate, barking to beat the band. It was a hot day and one window was opened just a teeny crack. Since the car was parked outside a restaurant, I went inside in search of the owner. This took mere seconds since as I started to describe the situation to the hostess, she said, "Oh yes, I know the owner, she comes here often. I'll send her right out."

"Right out" turned out to be 20 more minutes of frantic barking, during which I fantasized about all the horrible things I could do to the woman, none of which I did, including calling the police. Finally she sauntered out--I could see her through my front window--and in a chipper, baby-talk voice said, "Relax guys, Mommy is back."

As she drove away, the dogs still in their crate and no water offered to either one, I was sad, but at the very least happy that she was not my mommy.