Things You Should Know

A new black coat with an old black belt.

This morning, over coffee, I read some grim news: All of our national parks will close, except for the Grand Canyon which will remain open because they couldn't find a tarp big enough to cover it. And while many government employees are suddenly without jobs, members of Congress will still get their full pay, according to a law written by members of Congress that they will always get their full pay no matter what.

Then I came across some real news: This year, the Embellished Coat will be the "must have" wardrobe item. In fact, according to a top fashionista I never heard of, "Nothing is more stylishly transformative than a drop-dead embellished coat."

Confused, I looked up "transformative" in case it had another meaning than the one I know. It doesn't. Then I had to look up "Embellished Coat" for the same reason. Again, no--it's just a coat with extra stuff on it. Here in Maine, where the only embellishment any coat "must have" is a ski lift tag, I'm already out of style since I don't ski. But this year, women's coats will sport shiny objects, glittery geegaws, sequins, bobbles, non-functioning buttons and embroidery. Once the coat has those things, it will be turned into something else. Also, you should know that burgundy is the new black. (See photo)