FILM REVIEW: The Wrong Stuff

George and Sandra sharing a bit of bad dialogue.

Being one of those suckers born every minute you hear about all the time, I could wait no longer to see the latest, hyper-hyped movie and so went this afternoon, just two days after it hit the theaters. "Gravity" is a suspenseful 3-D space odyssey that stars Sandra Bullock, and when I say it stars Bullock, I mean if you are Sandra's mommy this movie is for you. It's All-Sandra, All the Time, and if you don't like her already, this movie won't win you over. Fortunately I went in as a fan, and I came out feeling sorry that she probably thinks she will win an Oscar for this performance, but guess what--she won't be. (Naomi Watts acted a lot harder in that tsunami movie and she wasn't even nominated, so Sandra should just accept it now and move on.)

Along for the ride is everyone's buddy, George Clooney. He portrays the captain of the mission gone awry in an affable, Houston-we-have-a-problem sort of way. Despite floating around the interstellar nebula permanently installed in a Barcalounger spray-painted Milk of Magnesia white, and with a gigantic tool chest strapped to his chest, Clooney remains nonplussed and downright jovial for the duration. (Spoiler alert: Not that he's around for the duration.) Anyway, the photogenic twosome are engaged in banter and chitchat while on some everyday assignment when a major goof by those damn Russians--who else?--ruins everything and outer space gets broken. Things fall apart. There is floating debris. Houston does not copy. The script worsens.

The 3-D part is pointless as usual, except for one time when Sandra is crying and one of her tears floats into space and you start watching it instead of Sandra working for that Oscar. That's a good moment, offering a needed break; the tear comes at you, growing bigger and bigger. It's all got to do with gravity. And then too. there is the gravity of the situation, which is that Mitch and I shelled out $21 bucks for the experience, not counting the popcorn. To be fair, it's fun to see outer space and rocket ships and all that astronaut jazz up close. It's just sad that you can't turn the sound off.