The Royal Pizza Face

The Duchess of Cambridge, who for some reason is still called Kate Middleton, is having her baby today. Or else she's already had it, since London is five hours later than we are. A giant pizza has been created in her honor by some important chef over there: a portrait, in tomato sauce, of the Prince and the Princess holding the Royal Baby. It's a plain pizza, with just red sauce and cheese. Further research led me to photos of the more detailed pizza that was made depicting the Royal Couple at their wedding last year, or whenever. That one had all sorts of vegetables and bits of ham and mushrooms and olives adding shading, and even though it was not flattering, still it was a pizza picture of the two of them. It made me suspect there is a mental illness afoot in Great Britain, possibly caused by something in the water, or maybe those greenish, hard-boiled eggs floating in giant jars of brine they have in all the pubs. How else to explain such things?

The estimated number of births worldwide is 252 per minute, or 4.2 births every second, yet only one of those babies will have its portrait in a pizza. It just doesn't seem fair. You'd think some other baby might be able to get like a big cupcake with its picture in frosting, or maybe peanut butter on bread--something. It just seems wrong that only one baby out of so many that are born should get the special honor of being depicted in food.

I asked my husband how he feels about all this and he said, dejectedly, "I haven't been doing my double-unders." I thought it was a British expression until he explained that double-unders are a CrossFit exercise he's not very good at that he was supposed to be practicing. (Sometimes Mitch can be so self-absorbed, it's not funny.)