One Way to Cut Health Care Costs

If you ask me, Christian Science is the caviar of religion: It's not for every taste, but those with an educated palate can detect and appreciate its finer points. I'm not claiming to be Miss Smartypants, but I do know a little bit about it since my first husband's family was of that persuasion. And while I'm usually opposed to organized anything, if pressed to choose a religious affiliation, I think I'd go with that one. Think about it: without doctors, the whole health care football goes out the window. Who knows what problems our politicians might tackle without that albatross? There would be no more need for Medicare and Medicaid, since nobody would be calling any doctors; think of all the savings! Perhaps most important, young Jewish women would finally be free to date all men, not just med students.

All kidding aside, or at least for as long as I can manage, it seems like right now is the perfect time for Christian Science to go mainstream. It teaches that disease is illusory and can be overcome through healing, and let's face it--right now, healing is in. Alternative and holistic medicine are cool and sophisticated. Everyone with the slightest shred of self-respect does yoga and meditates, or at least say they do. Probiotics are de riguer for your immune system, which by way is the system of the moment, and are available in yogurt, which is clearly the most self-righteous thing you can eat. The leading adjective used by advertising copywriters is "organic," followed closely by "healthy" and "all-natural." Fish oil is the current drug of choice for baby boomers, used to cure a variety of ills, and that's exactly the kind of non-medical thinking inherent in Christian Science.

Besides all the money you'll save on ineffective medications and operations that you didn't need in the first place, you can wear your own underwear all the time, use any form of birth control you like, and eat bacon til the cows come home. What's not to like?