Going Crackers

What with the Mormons and their underwear and the Jews with their prayer shawls and the Catholics with their crackers--that religion sure is some crazy stuff. As you can tell, I'm not buying any of it. In fact, my derision of all that mumbo-jumbo ended a friendship when my friend of 30 years felt dissed by me about communion wafers.

I last saw Richard, an increasingly devout Catholic, about two years ago in Seattle, where we both had traveled to spend several days together. Most of our time was passed reminiscing in cafes and visiting all the churches in the city. Since I'm an architecture fan I didn't mind the odd tour, but eventually our conversation turned to religion. I asked Richard if he truly believed in all that "stuff." He said yes. I asked if he believed that when he ate the little cracker the priest gave him he was actually ingesting part of the body of Christ. He thought for a long time before answering and finally said, "Yes, and please don't call it a cracker." I howled. I think it was the howling that upset him. Anyway, since millions of believers go to church and eat those little crackers thinking they are the body of Christ, along with a sip of wine that is the blood of Christ, I thought I'd see where they come from. Could it be Heaven?

It's not. Instead, a company called Almy does a thriving business, with a showroom in Connecticut and a factory right here in Maine--who knew? I was stunned to learn that besides the regular body-of-Christ wafers there are now also whole wheat body-of-Christ-wafers, as well gluten-free body-of-Christ wafers. (That Jesus, he sure does keep up with the times.) On their website, they write: "Communion Bread is the body of Christ, the bread of heaven. Almy offers a large selection of pure, simple wheat hosts and, also, gluten-free wafers for communicants with dietary restrictions." 

A box of 50 gluten-free body-of-Christ wafers costs $12.05, but the whole wheat and the plain white each are available in boxes of 1000. The whole wheat will run you around $24.00, the plain white around $18.00. Well worth it, if you ask me. Have them sent right to your door and you can sleep in on Sundays and still be saved. Such a deal!